PEPPERJAM: BEHIND THE SCENES

After the rousing success of last week’s Pepperjam talent show, Fly On The Wall finally caught up with Executive Producer Michael Tanenbaum to get the exclusive story about the various acts that didn’t make it into the show.

“Well, naturally we wanted to include everyone,” said Mr. Tanenbaum. “But after watching the try-outs, well, some acts weren’t quite ready for prime time, if you know what I mean.”

“Case in point: Professor Seaman’s tumbling routine. I mean, points for creativity, but he was forward rolling and cartwheeling all over the place. I can’t tell you how many chairs and tables he knocked over. It just wasn’t safe for the audience.”

“Professor Paglia wanted to do standup financial comedy, but that didn’t work so well either. I know he’s been practicing for months, but it was just like being in one of his classes: I kept falling asleep.”

“Rajan Kalra was going to do a hair care demo. His audition was actually really good: he did three frostings, two colorings and a perm in about 10 minutes. He really has a gift for that sort of thing. It’s too bad he pulled a no-show at the last minute. Something about not wanting to miss ‘Lost’.”

“What a shame. I mean, hasn’t he ever heard of TiVo?”

“I had high hopes for Dean Livingstone’s baton twirling. It started really well, but after having to pull that baton out of the ceiling for the third time, I was getting nervous. After nearly decapitating Zach Pond she finally said something about a meeting and left.”

“A little after that, Professor Seaman wandered back in with a big box and started setting up for a new audition. He told me it was a juggling act, and I could already feel the migraine coming on. Then he told me the specifics: it was a *cat* juggling act!”

“Good thing Professor Weisdorn was in the room.”

“Quicker than you can say “What Say You, Sammy?” he was out of there.”

“So there I was, wondering what else could go wrong, and Professor Weisdorn starts talking about her act. I'm trying to focus, but I keep getting distracted by this huge trunk she's dragged in with her. There's something thrashing around inside of it. Whatever’s inside, it’s big and it’s *angry*. Then I hear Professor Weisdorn saying something about alligator wrestling.”

“I made the executive decision right there: No animal acts at Pepperjam!”

“Naturally, she wasn’t too happy about that. But hey, after the incident with Lindsay Lockhart and that shark (“Student Involved in Malibu Shark Attack” 11/21/07), I figured the ASPCA already had us on probation, so we had to watch it. At least that’s what I told Professor Weisdorn.”

“There were a couple of other notable acts after that: Professor Carl Gwin was really psyched to show off his chainsaw art demonstration. But he got a little too enthusiastic with the chainsaw. I don’t want to quote numbers, but let’s just say there’s a line item named “repairs” in the Pepperjam budget.

“Professor Williams planned to rip a phone book in half, but as you can imagine, that didn’t work out too well. He was in traction for a week.”

“Doctor Mallinger wanted to do his interpretive dance routine, but I had to shoot that one down too. And for the record it was because the act ran 34 minutes that I had to say no.”

“The leotard had nothing to do with it. Really.”

When questioned about a rumored third tryout by Professor Seaman, Mr. Tanenbaum first tried to deny its occurrence, but eventually became exasperated and ‘fessed up.

“Okay, okay, you got me. Professor Seaman *did* have a third audition, but we’d filled all the slots by then…or so I told him.”

“Look, I’m not too proud of lying to him, but I had to do it! He wanted to do a magic show and one of his tricks was gonna be sawing somebody in half!”

Pepperjam 2009 is scheduled to be held next March. It is strongly recommended that students decline offers by Professsor Seaman to be his 'assistant' in the show, regardless of the amount of extra credit offered.