BEAR'S MARKET

Just when we were getting used to the idea of one rock star among the faculty (‘Rock Star of The Stats Department’, 12/2/07), details have emerged about another musical maestro in our midst!

In an exclusive interview, Professor Ed Fredericks has revealed that he has his own band called The Grateful Ed!

“The band was born up in Topanga Canyon,” he explained. “Sort of a counterculture thing. We don’t have any one set style. It’s more of a mix: A bit of sub prime blues mixed in with a little precious metal and whatever else the market will bear.”

“Overall, I’d say the band is best described as a bluegrass/greenback fusion.”

“Our eclectic style along with some old fashioned business sense has built us quite a fan base. It’s kinda crazy. Whenever we go on the road we can count on a caravan of Edheads following us around: full-time students, alumni, even some FEMBAS. It’s like one big party.”

“Each show is different. There are all sorts of external factors we have to think about and you can’t predict what is going to happen based on past performances. We’re lucky because we have a diverse portfolio. We can vary the play set depending on what the crowd wants: Older folks tend to favor T-Bars, while the younger kids are more into aggressive stock tunes.”

“It’s all about appreciation, steady rates of return, and keeping the interest level high.”

In addition to the guitar, Professor Fredericks lists the harmonica and Structured Investment Vehicles as his favorite instruments.

“Yeah, I like all three. But to be honest, the SIV was more of a passing fancy. I mean, it seemed like fun at first and everyone was into it, but it’s a very complex and unpredictable instrument. I blew a lot of cash trying to master that thing.”

Professor Fredericks is currently finishing up his latest album 'Workingman’s Ed', which should be available by the beginning of the B session. Copies will be available on “very attractively priced” CD’s.

The Ed will also be releasing two retrospective pieces later this summer. Titled ‘Take it to the Vault’ and ‘Gonna need Two Vaults!’, the compilations are said to include the hits 'Bankin’ and 'Uncle Sam’s Band'.

Professor Fredericks is available in room 354 from 2:00-4:00 on Thursdays to discuss investing and trade bootleg recordings.

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 12

PROFESSOR FREDERICK'S SCIENTIFIC STOCK PICKER

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COURSE CHANGE

Due to several recent trades, the Education Investment Fund class, where students get to invest with real money, will now be known as the Pepperdine Philanthropy Fund.

“We’re breaking new ground here,” said a frazzled Professor Ed Fredericks. “This is a first for Pepperdine, and as far as I know, we may be the first business school in the country to do this.”

“Just as Bill Gates has made the switch from amassing wealth to giving it all away, the Education Investment Fund…um…decided…it was time to…um…well…do the same.”

Gathering steam, he continued. “Yeah...the whole $100,000 is gone, and depending on the complex derivative trades that *someone* made, well, it looks like Pepperdine is gonna be giving away a lot more real soon.”

While it is not clear exactly what prompted him to revamp the course syllabus, Professor Fredericks told Fly On The Wall that the GSBM board was “thrilled” with the news and rewarded him with immediate extended vacation.

“Yeah, it’s great...just what I wanted,” he muttered as professional movers quickly packed up his office.

Asked if he had any hot investment tips to share before being removed from campus, he added, “Yeah, don’t put everything into toothpicks.com. I mean, it *sounds* like common sense, but not everyone figured that one out.”

“Oh, and for the record, someone tell Orion French he can forget about that letter of recommendation. Make sure you print that.”