THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES

AT HOME ON THE RANGE

Professor Gia Weisdorn is back in the news again!

It looks like Professor Weisdorn took advantage of the holiday weekend last week and took a trip out of town. According to sources, Professor Weisdorn was spotted in southern Arizona at the Wild Cat Ranch, where she was able to participate in her favorite activity out on the range: herding cats!

“Oh yah, she was here all right!” said ranch owner Ken Philby. “She’s a legend! One of the best cat rustlers I’ve ever seen. You’d think cats are unmanageable, but she has a way about her…she just give them this *stare*…know what I mean? Boom, they’d fall right into line.”

“Bunch of years ago she made it to Nationals. They’re still talking about the time ‘What Say You Weisdorn’ roped four longhairs and a kitten in under 10 seconds. It’s still a record.”

“There was talk of her going on the Pro Circuit. I’m telling ya, she would have made it too--she just loves cats.”

When asked what derailed Professor Weisdorn’s promising career in shepherding felines, Mr. Philby let out a deep sigh before continuing:

“No one’s really sure what happened. There were all sorts of rumors. Someone said she got scratched real bad, but I don’t believe that. Another story was she started her own ranch, but it went to the dogs. Other people said she had legal issues.”

“All I know for sure is one day she traded in her pickup for a Porsche and said she was headed West. That was the last we saw of her in these parts.”

“Personally, I think it was a romance with a cowboy with a cat allergy.”

CAREER FAIRE

By all accounts, last weekend’s Renaissance Career Faire, sponsored by GTO, was a resounding success.

“I was a bit surprised at first,” said Roni Halavi (GSBM ’08). “I felt a bit out of place in business formal when the dress code was more something out of the late Elizabethan period.”

“Everyone was cool about it, but next time I’m definitely wearing my Cape and Jerkin”

“I came in looking for something in human resources,” said Fatemeh Razavi, (GSBM ’08). “But after interviewing with the folks at Gallup, I’m thinking more about becoming a Druid.”

“I was more prepared than most of the people there,” said Matt Abrams (GSBM ’08). “I always keep a broadsword in the trunk of my car along with my favorite battle axe. I know that got me big points with Kaiser Permanente. They’re big on edged weapons.”

Victor Yu (GSBM ’08) could not be reached for comment, but eyewitnesses reported he was seen “in deep conversation” with several wenches.

“I spent most of the morning at the chain mail workshop,” says Misa Hiroki (GSBM ’08), “but every time I looked up, Victor was with a different wench. It’s like they thought he was a prince or something. I don’t get it.”

“Last I saw, he was leaving with the one in the green frock and the bonnet,” added Alp Aras (GSBM ’08). “I think she was the one from the IRS. He was saying something about going to his castle. I don’t wanna know what happened after that.”

The biggest story of the day, however, was about Jared Weidenbaum and his numerous job offers.

“It was really a stroke of luck. I mentioned that I played the lute, and before I knew it *everyone* wanted to talk to me. I was being wined and dined like there was no tomorrow: Every time I turned around some guy in a Henry the Eighth costume was handing me a drumstick or another goblet of mead.”

“Before the Faire, I was thinking about becoming a financial analyst, but now I’m convinced I have more career opportunities as a court jester!"

The next Career Faire is scheduled for January 2009.

BEAR'S MARKET

Just when we were getting used to the idea of one rock star among the faculty (‘Rock Star of The Stats Department’, 12/2/07), details have emerged about another musical maestro in our midst!

In an exclusive interview, Professor Ed Fredericks has revealed that he has his own band called The Grateful Ed!

“The band was born up in Topanga Canyon,” he explained. “Sort of a counterculture thing. We don’t have any one set style. It’s more of a mix: A bit of sub prime blues mixed in with a little precious metal and whatever else the market will bear.”

“Overall, I’d say the band is best described as a bluegrass/greenback fusion.”

“Our eclectic style along with some old fashioned business sense has built us quite a fan base. It’s kinda crazy. Whenever we go on the road we can count on a caravan of Edheads following us around: full-time students, alumni, even some FEMBAS. It’s like one big party.”

“Each show is different. There are all sorts of external factors we have to think about and you can’t predict what is going to happen based on past performances. We’re lucky because we have a diverse portfolio. We can vary the play set depending on what the crowd wants: Older folks tend to favor T-Bars, while the younger kids are more into aggressive stock tunes.”

“It’s all about appreciation, steady rates of return, and keeping the interest level high.”

In addition to the guitar, Professor Fredericks lists the harmonica and Structured Investment Vehicles as his favorite instruments.

“Yeah, I like all three. But to be honest, the SIV was more of a passing fancy. I mean, it seemed like fun at first and everyone was into it, but it’s a very complex and unpredictable instrument. I blew a lot of cash trying to master that thing.”

Professor Fredericks is currently finishing up his latest album 'Workingman’s Ed', which should be available by the beginning of the B session. Copies will be available on “very attractively priced” CD’s.

The Ed will also be releasing two retrospective pieces later this summer. Titled ‘Take it to the Vault’ and ‘Gonna need Two Vaults!’, the compilations are said to include the hits 'Bankin’ and 'Uncle Sam’s Band'.

Professor Fredericks is available in room 354 from 2:00-4:00 on Thursdays to discuss investing and trade bootleg recordings.

ON STAGE SEQUEL

Not ones to be outdone, or let the faculty have all the fun, (“’Tis The Season’, 12/7/07) the GSBM student body has announced that they are rehearsing for a theatrical performance of their own.

“It took a while to decide,” said director Jared Weidenbaum (GSBM ’08). “There were so many possibilities: Phantom of The Opera, Death of a Salesman, a musical adaptation of Wall Street…the list goes on. We finally picked The Wizard of Oz. Okay, it’s not normally done as a play, but the way so many students fit the characters, well, we had to do it!”

“Liz Pasaretti will be playing the part of Dorothy. Although lots of students tried out for the part, she was the only one who was able to say “there’s no place like home” without screwing it up. It was amazing: everyone else was launching into their elevator pitches or just getting it flat out wrong, but Liz nailed it. She was able to do it with her eyes closed *and* while clicking her heels together. She was perfect.”

“Ok, it also helped that she was the only one whose feet fit in the ruby slippers. We’re on a budget and couldn’t afford to spring for new props.”

“Emalie Brgoch had a bit of trouble getting into the character of The Good Witch at first. But after we re-imagined the role as more of a mentorship position, she took right to it.”

“Jason Faught’s fantastic 'I am Jason, hear me roar' monologue cinched the part of the Lion, and Keith Eshelman’s stiff acting during auditions won him the part of the Tin Man.”

“Michael Tannenbaum was an easy pick for the part of the Wizard: A mysterious guy throwing switches behind the scenes…I mean, come on, it’s a no-brainer. With his fingers in so many pies, no one’s really sure what he’s up to.”

“I also figure that by throwing him a bone like this he’ll give me and my lute routine a spot in the talent show.”

“Rajan Karla promised to grow his hair out for the part of Toto, and Brighton Keck really had no competition for the role of the Scarecrow. Besides, he was the only one who fit in the costume."

"Man, what I wouldn’t give for a bigger budget.”

“For the Wicked Witch, well, it was tough choosing who I wanted to drop a house on. There were a lot of candidates, but Jessica Jekkyl won out in the end.”

The performance is scheduled for February 8th. Please contact Carrie Gilchrist for tickets.

EPIC CLASS PREPARATION

Now we know why Professor Seaman had to cancel class earlier this week.

SYLLABUS CHANGE

Given the current Writers’ Strike, significant changes have been made to the Business Writing (MBAM 574) class.

“Changing times call for changing strategies”, says Professor Frances Grimes. “With the strike in full force there’s a big business opportunity for selling scripts on spec. So we’re moving away from dry business prose and APA standards and focusing more on screenplays and sitcom concepts.”

Students are enthusiastic about the changes.

“Dude, class is way more interesting now”, says Matt Abrams. “I’m working on an accounting comedy that’s totally gonna be the next Seinfeld.”

“I’ve unlocked my passion for writing financial dramas”, said Joy Kao. “I’m working on one about a recently graduated group of young MBA’s working together in a consulting firm. I don’t want to give too much away, but for now I’m calling it “Gray’s MBA.”

Other works-in-progress include a marketing action/adventure by Nicholas Merriam and a reality concept being penned by Alana Turhoff.

“Some people are discounting the reality venue as tired and worn out”, explained Alana. “But the real problem is the lack of new and interesting reality topics. I’ve done a market analysis and come up with a reality concept no one has tried yet, and it’s a winner. Basically I’m going to research failing businesses and be there when the hammer falls. I’m calling the show ‘Bankruptcy: The Ultimate Reality.’”

“If it works out, I’m thinking of doing a spin off called ‘Foreclosure’.”

Professor Grimes couldn’t be more pleased with her students’ progress.

“They’re doing so well! I mean, it was rough at first, getting them all to submit material in Word rather than Excel or PowerPoint, and then there were a few who got hung up on game show concepts, but all in all, the content they have been creating is top notch.”

“Whenever the strike ends, I’m sure we’ll be seeing lots of these shows on TV. Professor Gia Weisdorn is coming in next week to go over studio contracts with us.”

While the class is currently full, there are still spaces available for the B session.

UPCOMING EVENTS

In cooperation with the office of the Registrar, Fly On The Wall has obtained a preliminary schedule for the upcoming Magill Symposium on Friday, February 29th.

8:30-9:00 am. Light refreshments.

9:00-9:15 Greeting and Welcome by Dr. Mallinger.

9:15-10:00 “How to look awake and attentive in a boring meeting.”

10:00-11:00 Panel Discussion: “What to do next: Get a job, dummy!”

11:00-12:00 Breakout Sessions:

“Moving back in with mom & dad: You can go back home again!” (P1)

“Living in your car. The next best option.” (L1)

“Law School: Ahh, why not?” (U2)

12:00-1:00 Lunch

Light snacks and refreshments. Location: Courtyard outside cafeteria.

Better food and stronger drinks. Location: Duke’s.

1:00-3:00 Workshops

Finance Workshop:

1:00-2:00 “Creative methods for raising personal capital from friends, long lost relatives and other non-immediate family members.”

2:00-3:00 “Credit card juggling: Taking it to the next level.”

Accounting Workshop:

1:00-2:00 “Loan payment deferment for MBA’s: Six months is just the beginning!”

2:00-3:00 “Qualifying for federal financial assistance programs.”

Marketing Workshop:

2:00-4:00 Rebranding case competition.

An exciting chance to develop a business plan to breathe life into the longtime stigmatized staple, Lard. Teams will compete against the clock and each other to create a positive and dynamic rebranding strategy to reinvigorate Lard sales. Winning proposals must include a viral marketing campaign, an online component and the development of a line of Lard branded merchandise.

1st prize: 10 pounds of Lard.
2nd prize: 20 pounds of Lard
3rd prize: Dinner with Adam Trotter

OB Workshop:

1:00-2:00 “Advanced Scrapbooking”

2:00-3:00 “Storytime and S’mores.”

Wrap Up Session:

4:00-??? “Reflection, discussion and inebriation.” Location: Moonshadows

BUSINESS HAIKU, VOL. 2

We justify life
In easily ordered steps
Earning each dollar


Rightsize your business
Says expensive consultant
Fire them all now


We no longer need
The services of you sir
Pack your desk quickly


To sell you cheap toys
We send off your livelihood
Straight to India


If you’ve read the books
You know your heart mind and soul
Are commodities


Bottom line worship
Cost cutting, our religion
Cold cash is our king


Matched by employer
Tuck security away
My 401k

CONTINUED CORRUPTION!

Well, it looks like Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes is picking up in '08 right where she left off. It appears that her plan to replace the statue of George Graziadio ("Scandal: Abuse of Power", 11/16/07) is one step closer to reality!

Carved from white Italian marble and standing 12 feet high, the statute is scheduled to be installed early next week during a 4 hour dedication ceremony.

Attendance is mandatory, and business formal attire is strongly encouraged.

Welcome Back!

After taking some time off, Fly On The Wall is back and hoping you have all had an enjoyable break. Special thanks to all of my anonymous sources last term. I'm looking forward to hearing more from (and about) all of you in the next few months.

You never quite know what will happen next here at the GSBM, but rest assured when something happens, you'll read about it here first!

-Pepgossipboy