The Ethics Committee has busted an onion ring in the Drescher library.
The operation came to light when Max the librarian discovered nearly a dozen first-year students smuggling onions into the library’s conference room. Investigators allege that the students were engaged in insider trading in onion recipes which is a clear violation of the University’s Ethics code.
Said committee spokesperson Sharon Haughey: “The school is shaken. This is by far the worst breach of ethics Pepperdine has seen in years. The more layers of deceit our investigators peel back, the more we want to cry.”
While the committee has not yet announced what corrective measures will be taken, Fly On The Wall has learned that punishment options being explored include taking mandatory 8 am classes until graduation, serving 500 hours of kitchen service, and having to repeat OB.
It is unknown at this time if Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes’ demand that the offenders be boiled in oil will have any traction with the committee.
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