PUMP UP THE VOLUME!

In response to numerous complaints about the volume of the TV in the GSBM cafeteria, management has announced that it will be making changes.

“Starting tomorrow, things are going to change,” said a food services employee. “We’re turning the volume up—way up!!!”

"We’ve been hearing that students in U3 can’t hear CNN, so we’re gonna fix that in a BIG way! We’re installing a wall of 4000 watt Wharfedale speakers tonight. It’s gonna be so loud it’ll cook food!”

“This is gonna be awesome!”

Bookstore manager John Kingsbury was also excited by the news.

“This is great news. The old volume level had students buying slates and chalk to communicate in the cafeteria. Earplug sales were already brisk, but this is going to send ‘em through the roof!”

Rumors that the GSBM will be offering crash courses in Morse Code and sign language could not be confirmed at press time.