“Many successful businesswomen got their starts by selling Girl Scout cookies, and I count myself as one of them,” says Nina Tooley (GSBM ’08).
“I saw some Scouts selling cookies at Ralph’s the other day and thought ‘Hey, with everything I’ve learned at Pepperdine, I can do that again…and this time I can do it better!’”
“So I walked up and offered them a partnership deal. It’s a hybrid pyramid structure. Sort of a mix between Amway and the business model used by Colombian drug lords.”
“Hey, I’m twice their age and twice their size, like they’re gonna say no? From now on they were working for *me*!”
“First I had them all sign a heavily incentivized contract. Lots of big quotas in there to keep them motivated and selling. Then I gave ‘em a couple of lessons on high pressure sales and turned ‘em loose. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner!”
“After that it was off to the races: I was making partnership deals in every shopping center and these kids were selling cookies like their hair was on fire. I cornered the Malibu market by the end of the first day, and had half of Santa Monica covered by the next.”
Although her rise from grad student to the Tony Montana of Thin Mints has been rapid, Mrs. Tooley maintains that she has not lost sight of the fundamentals.
“While I control the Malibu market, I still have to defend against encroachment by competitors. Last week there were some scouts from Calabasas on campus. What a headache: Security was on break, so there were no barriers to entry. Then they started competing on price. I was looking at a nasty price war ‘till I called the truant officer.”
Still, the market continues to evolve, necessitating quick and sometimes unorthodox solutions.
“Case in point: that guerilla action by the pack of Brownies the other day. A tenured professor snuck them in. They swarmed the lower campus and we were losing market share in a big way. There were crumbs everywhere.”
“They were marching up John Tyler Drive and getting ready to storm upper campus. Traditional defender and flanker strategies weren’t working. Then I remembered the lessons in counter-guerilla marketing class. You know, the whole thing about hitting back with something totally unexpected.”
“So I told ‘em the truth about Santa Claus! Hah! Problem solved!”
When asked about how she stays motivated, Mrs. Tooley offered the following.
“It’s all about the rewards that come from achieving goals that keeps me going. The more cookies I sell, the more prizes I get!"
"First it was the beach towel: I had to sell 500 cases to get it. That took me all of four hours. But as soon as I got the towel, I wanted more. So I focused on the hat with the glitter on it. I had to sell 2000 cases there, so it took a bit longer.”
“My next goal is the Green Sash with the gold stars. I need to sell another 10,000, but I’m almost there. I’ve got my troops going door to door at the faculty apartments as we speak. I’m gonna get that sash.”
When asked what her ultimate goal was, Cookie Kingpin Tooley immediately burst from her chair, danced around the room, and began shrieking at the top of her lungs.
“A Pony! A Pony!!! Another 250,000 cases and I get a Pony!”
Cookies remain on sale until the end of this month.
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