COURSE CHANGE

Due to several recent trades, the Education Investment Fund class, where students get to invest with real money, will now be known as the Pepperdine Philanthropy Fund.

“We’re breaking new ground here,” said a frazzled Professor Ed Fredericks. “This is a first for Pepperdine, and as far as I know, we may be the first business school in the country to do this.”

“Just as Bill Gates has made the switch from amassing wealth to giving it all away, the Education Investment Fund…um…decided…it was time to…um…well…do the same.”

Gathering steam, he continued. “Yeah...the whole $100,000 is gone, and depending on the complex derivative trades that *someone* made, well, it looks like Pepperdine is gonna be giving away a lot more real soon.”

While it is not clear exactly what prompted him to revamp the course syllabus, Professor Fredericks told Fly On The Wall that the GSBM board was “thrilled” with the news and rewarded him with immediate extended vacation.

“Yeah, it’s great...just what I wanted,” he muttered as professional movers quickly packed up his office.

Asked if he had any hot investment tips to share before being removed from campus, he added, “Yeah, don’t put everything into toothpicks.com. I mean, it *sounds* like common sense, but not everyone figured that one out.”

“Oh, and for the record, someone tell Orion French he can forget about that letter of recommendation. Make sure you print that.”

WHAT'S NEWS?

-Professor Seaman was seen in the students’ lounge, allegedly doctoring the ping pong table.

-As a result of all the recent spate of scandals, it is reported that Dean Livingstone is now hiding under her desk and no longer answering her phone.

-Donald Trump has offered to donate $10 million to the GSBM. The funds would go directly to Net Impact and would be used to, among other things, purchase a new BMW for each member of the club. Contingent upon acceptance of the money, however, Pepperdine would have to agree to modify the cross on the Phillips Theme Tower to look like more of a “T”. While students enthusiastically support the proposal, university officials are not expected to vote in favor of it.

-The cafeteria will be testing a new brown bag liquid lunch program this week. Students interested in beta testing the product are asked to meet in the parking lot and behind the dumpsters.

-Professor Williams was seen playing The SIMS on his computer during class last week.

THE AUTO ISSUE

In response to popular demand, Fly On The Wall will be adding an automotive column about the goings on in Lot S and beyond.

-This week’s Most Tricked Out Ride award goes to the silver Honda Accord with the four custom cup holders!

-We’ve seen some hot cars in the lot, but this week we had a true exotic! Fly On The Wall had to talk to a lot of experts and conduct extensive research to identify this dream machine.

Known as a “Chevy”, this chariot of the gods hails from a remote Canadian town named Detroit. Although popular in certain circles, Chevy sightings are very rare in Malibu. There have been rumors about them being seen occasionally on the Seaver campus, this is the first confirmed sighting in the GSBM parking lot.

-Pepperdine will begin offering a car detailing service next term. Located in lot T, “Academic Detailz” will offer full wax and detailing service during class hours. “We’ll be offering quick turnarounds,“ says founder and confessed car nut Philipe Chieu. “Students will be able to drop their cars off in the morning and have them back by the end of class.”

“I was going to enter it in the business plan competition, but Professor Morrissey and Diane Singel told me it was too hot an idea, and I that I should run with it now.”

“They weren’t kidding. I haven’t even started and I’m already booked solid for the first three months of ’08. And the phone is still ringing off the hook! It’s crazy! People are screaming about being on the wait list, but it’s first come, first serve, you know?”

“Well,” he added with a wink, “except for professors who offer preferential treatment.”

“Let’s just say I’m not too worried about grades next term.”

Phillip is already planning his next venture. “My next idea is to start a valet parking service for students called ‘WePark4U.’ It’s for people who want to be a CEO, or just treated like one.”

THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES

A source calling herself “Justice Talks” just sent Fly On The Wall another juicy tidbit about Professor Gia Weisdorn.

Source J.T. spent her Thanksgiving weekend in San Diego, sleuthing through the University of San Diego’s Law library. After hours of pouring through piles of yearbooks, she uncovered a photo that can best be described as...unusual.

Clearly Professor Weisdorn has a hidden past…but not hidden well enough!

SEEN ON VENICE BEACH

Pepperdine’s West Pointer seems to have gone a bit West Coast on us!

“I was down at Venice beach, looking for some cheap sunglasses,” Spencer Hardman (GSBM ’08) told Fly On The Wall. “All the usual wierdos were out. The guy in the Speedo, the guitar guy on skates, you know, just another day at the beach.”

“I’m walking past the hippie guy, you know, the one who makes the sand alligator every day and smokes a ton of weed. Anyway, I hear this familiar voice rambling on about unemployment, the real costs of taxation, and Isoquant curves. I look down through this cloud of smoke, and it’s Professor Carl Gwin!”

“The dreds threw me off at first, but it was definitely him. He was selling all sorts of stuff like hemp belts, crystal necklaces, and hubcap art.”

“It kinda makes sense,” reflected Spencer. “Differentiated products, lots of sellers, low barriers to entry. Monopolistic competition all the way. I can see what attracted him. It’s a total free market down there.”

“He didn’t recognize me. And he kept trying to sell me this busted roulette wheel, saying it was just like the futures market. Just for the heck of it, I tried bargaining the price down, but he kept saying ‘Nooo, you can’t *do* that!’.”

“Anyways, it was getting late, and I still had to find those sunglasses so I headed out of there.”

Professor Gwin was later seen wandering off in the direction of the drum circle.

WHAT'S NEWS?

-Professors Williams and Seaman have co-authored a study to be released early in the spring. According to Professor Seaman “The paper has determined the exact value of an MBA education with 90% certainty. The log-odds of success after graduation have been determined to be negative, disproving the null hypothesis.” What this means is anybody’s guess.

- The Graziadio School’s latest and greatest attempt at a new IT system, Tidalnet, experienced a system crash this morning. According to IT Professor Michael Williams, the crash began when a system off the coast of Japan became unstable. The disruption was first felt in the Tokyo metro area, but then spread across the Pacific Ocean before crashing the Malibu coast. Williams plans to hold a press conference to discuss whether to torpedo Tidalnet in favor of the mysteriously efficient Skynet. In addition, CardBoard 1.0, the successor to BlackBoard 7.2, is down indefinitely due to a problem in its support system after Tidalnet crashed the Malibu coast.

- Being a dry campus, Pepperdine has a reputation of being bereft of fun. Fly On The Wall feels this is unfair and decided to find out exactly what Pepperdine's business students do at night when they return home from the library. More than 250 students were interviewed, and multiple regressions were run, producing a model that explains the data quite well: Lite-Brite and glow-in-the-dark stickers scored big. Another popular one was throwing jacks. Remember Yahtzee? That was big before many of us were even born. Well, at Pepperdine, it's back with a vengeance. Strangely, ‘homework’ never came up as a response.

-GSBM has received a $5 million grant from Altria Group, Inc. The funds will go towards increasing the size of the student lounge and repairing the door to the library. In recognition of this generous donation the patio outside the cafeteria will be renamed “Marlboro Country”.

GSBM GOING GREEN

Pepperdine has announced an initiative to cover the exterior of the buildings on the Drescher Campus with a “greener” outer layer.

The new environmentally friendly coating is cellulose based and contains interwoven cotton fibers for increased strength and durability. It has been designed to stand up to repeated abuse and can handle washings without fading.

“The US Government paid for the research and development of this product,” said Dr. Mallinger, “and it’s been wildly successful. It’s one of the few things they’ve done right.”

The product comes in 2.16 by 6.14 inch rectangles, and can be applied with tape, glue or tacks.

Manufactured by the Treasury Department, it is available at various price points.

“Well, we could do it on the cheap,” began Dr. Mallinger, “but we think that would send the wrong message. Currently we’re thinking of using the 20 dollar product, unless USC decides to use the 50’s. Gotta keep up, ya know.”

“Once applied, the GSBM will be a lot greener, and we think this sends the right message to the students and the community: Graziadio is all about green!”

Tuition will be increased to $147,583 per semester to cover the initiative.

PORSCHE FOR SALE?

Things are getting more and more bizarre as news about Professor Gia Weisdorn continues to pour in. She was spotted yesterday at Honda of Thousand Oaks, allegedly purchasing a minivan. Fly On The Wall investigated the anonymous tip and obtained an exclusive interview with Honda sales associate Patrick Harker.


“So I see this Porsche pull into the lot,” begins Mr. Harker, “and I’m thinking easy sale, right? Man, was I wrong! Next thing I know, she’s talked the price down 70% and I’ve got *nothing* left on the table. Then she starts writing some crazy contract law stuff and talking ‘UCC this, merger clause that’…dude, totally over my head. I didn’t know what hit me. I just signed.”

“She totally ate my lunch.” He added, glumly. “I mean, it was a nice 98 minivan with low miles and heated seats. We were asking $9,000 and she got it for practically nothing. For all I know, I’m the one that's gonna have to pay.”

Brightening up, he continued, “Anyways, it all worked out in the end. I got killed on the sale, but I think she felt bad for me. She started accessorizing like there was no tomorrow: Monsoon sound system, racing stripes, mini-fridge, the works. She really went to town. I’m definitely going to get a bonus for this.”

“It looks like it’ll be ready to go in a week, but we’re cutting it close with some of the custom work. I have a specialist coming in tomorrow to do the flat screens and the Koi tank, so that’s sorted. The biggest problem we’re having is figuring out how to install the scratching post. That’s a new one. We’ve done a lot of custom stuff here in LA, but I think this one’s a first. Weird.”

ETHICS SCANDAL ROCKS LIBRARY

The Ethics Committee has busted an onion ring in the Drescher library.

The operation came to light when Max the librarian discovered nearly a dozen first-year students smuggling onions into the library’s conference room. Investigators allege that the students were engaged in insider trading in onion recipes which is a clear violation of the University’s Ethics code.

Said committee spokesperson Sharon Haughey: “The school is shaken. This is by far the worst breach of ethics Pepperdine has seen in years. The more layers of deceit our investigators peel back, the more we want to cry.”

While the committee has not yet announced what corrective measures will be taken, Fly On The Wall has learned that punishment options being explored include taking mandatory 8 am classes until graduation, serving 500 hours of kitchen service, and having to repeat OB.

It is unknown at this time if Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes’ demand that the offenders be boiled in oil will have any traction with the committee.

STUDENT INVOLVED IN MALIBU SHARK ATTACK

SHARK BEATEN UP BADLY

Surfrider Beach, Malibu – Second year student Lindsay Lockhardt (GSBM ’08) was involved in a shark attack at approximately 9am yesterday morning. The shark was positively identified as a great white and estimated at 12 feet in length.

“I was having an okay morning”, said Lindsay. “In the water for an hour. Couple of decent waves. You know, the usual. Then I catch this one wave-Omigod-it’s like *perfect*. I’m up, I’m dialed in, I’m totally on.”

“Then I see this guy on the side trying to snake me. I’m shouting ‘Break! Break!’ but he’s getting closer. Seriously bad etiquette. I look over and dude, it’s this shark! Next thing I know, he’s bumping my board.”

“50 yards out, perfect line, in the break, best wave ever, and some shark is stealing my ride! Dude, no one steals my ride--so I clobbered him!”

Ocean Lifeguard Specialist Tyler Morgan was in Tower 7 at the time of the attack.

“I look up and see this commotion: He’s thrashing all over the place, but she won’t let go. She’s got the thing in a headlock and she’s beating the crap out of him. I mean, we’re talking a *serious* thumping. Eight years on the job, and I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“By the time I got to her, she had dragged him halfway up the beach and was still pounding the tar out of him. I had to put a stop to it. I felt sorry for the guy.”

The shark was returned to the water and last seen cautiously swimming in the direction of deep water.

PRESIDENTITA FOR LIFE

Bre Hayes' continued abuse of power reached new heights today as she declared herself "Presidentita For Life" at the Graziadio School Of Business.

Speaking from Dean Mallinger's now vacant corner office, Presidentita For Life Hayes declared there would be new sweeping changes to the GSBM. "Today is great day for the new Land Of The Bre. The culture of weak-willed leadership by committee has brought forth a plague of inefficiency, compromise and indecision. A new leader must rise from this morass to forcefully exercise the blunt club of power over the masses. I am that leader and I hold that club in my iron grip. Leadership through appeasement has ended. Enough of the carrot, it's time for the stick!"

"Effective immediately, all OB classes will be replaced by OF (Oath of Fealty) classes, and anyone caught wearing Burberry will be detained and severely punished. The ethics committee is also permanently dissolved."

Neither Dean Mallinger nor Dean Livingstone were available for comment. When quizzed on their whereabouts, chief spokesperson, Sharon Haughey, stated that they have been sent to a reeducation facility located somewhere on the USC campus.

BREAKING STORY!!!

Details continue to emerge about Professor Gia Weisdorn's secret life of feline affection!

After posting about Professor Weisdorn's most curious behavior at Ralph's (Friday Nov 16, "Gossip: Out of the bag"), Fly On The Wall has received SHOCKING information indicating that there is much much more to this story!

"I was over at Will Rodgers State Park," said the anonymous 2nd year, "and I see this lady walking a cat. Didn't think too much of it at the time, I was too busy reading Dirks v. SEC. But then I look a bit more closely and it looks like Professor Weisdorn! I'm like 'no way, this can't be, she has like, four dogs!' Besides, her hair was the wrong color. But then I look again, and, dude, it's definitley her, and she's wearing a disguise!!! It was like, total Twilight Zone. I snapped a photo and got out of there before it affected my grade."

A second source confirmed that shortly afterward a Porsche was seen departing the area "at a high rate of speed."

WHAT'S NEWS?

-Rajan Kalra’s hair is bursting forth with vibrant Autumn colors. Unfortunately, it is expected to completely fall out by Winter.

-Bre Hayes is in the process of amending the School Constitution to allow her to run for an unprecedented second term as MGBS President.

-After giving away $3,500 in prize money this past week, VCLL has officially begun its rebranding campaign as the Venture Capital Leadership Lab.

-According to sources, Michael Tanenbaum was seen scarfing down what appeared to be a ham sandwich.

-Due to popular demand, a Japanese version of Your Weekly Vlogger with Katie Nsairy will be debuting in January, complete with a 3-second delay between the audio and video. Woody Allen will be directing.

-MGBS has voted to give themselves a tuition raise for second semester.

-Professor Morrissey was spotted last week wearing a New York Yankees cap.

NEW COURSE OFFERINGS / COURSE CHANGES

There have been a few changes made to the course listing for Spring 2008.


MBAM662A11 The Family Business. Welcome to the family! Course will include (but not be limited to) discussions about: Creative fundraising, imaginative bookkeeping, cash free inventory acquisition, bulletproof tax shelters, aggressively protecting market share, forcefully expanding market share/wiping out the competition, untraceable cash flows, making people talk, eliminating problems, making offers they can’t refuse, rat disposal, and financial solutions to federal regulations.

NOTE: MBAM 662A11 now also counts as an entrepreneurship elective.


MBAM 693.23 Creative Business Accounting. Learn exciting new ways to make 2+2 =5, 6 or 10,000. Impress your boss, be the envy of your colleagues and the darling of CFO magazine. NOTE: Must be taken concurrently with MBAM 10to20 Meet the SEC or MBAM687.1: Incarceration Planning.


MBAM694 Social Responsibility. Students will be given a fixed budget and put in charge of managing all GSBM social outings for the semester. Emphasis placed networking with suitable establishments, building relationships and negotiating favorable financial agreements. This course will require a heavy time commitment outside of class. Mandatory networking and interpersonal communications workshops will meet for three to four hours at a time, preferably several times per week.


MBAM700.12 Advanced Executive Level Decision Making. Topics will include: Rock Paper Scissors, Magic 8 Ball, and coin flipping.

Pepperdine To Upgrade Mainframe System

In response to the mainframe outage during registration last week, the Peperdine IT department has announced it will be abolishing Wavenet and upgrading to a new IT system called Skynet.

Developed by Cyberdine Systems, Skynet is built on a radically new technology that is years ahead of anything else in the field. According to head engineer Myles Dyson, "Skynet is based on a new artificial intelligence architecture. We don't quite fully understand it yet, but it is totally autonomous, and boasts a perfect operational record."

"Skynet has the potential to be the ultimate killer app. A real world-beater", he added.

Pepperdine IT personnel first heard about Skynet last year when California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was on campus to sign the California Global Warming Solutions Act.

"It was strange", recalled Barron Williams, head of Pepperdine's IT department, "We knew he was on campus, but then he barges into the office like he owns the place and starts giving us this hard sell about Skynet."

"He wasn't happy when I told him we didn't have money in the budget, but he said he'd be back. He posed for some photos too, which was cool".

"I didn't think much more about it, but then the day after the registration crash I get this call from the Governor's office. Something about state disaster aid from the fire to upgrade the system."

Installation will begin in the late spring. Skynet is scheduled to go live on either July 24th or August 29th.

GOSSIP: Out of the Bag, Born to be wild, UFO's

Cat's out of the bag!

Our favorite Legal Woman Of Mystery has become more mysterious! Fly On The Wall has learned that Professor Gia Weisdorn was seen last week purchasing a copy of "Cat Fancy" magazine at Ralph's! After all the talk about her dogs, we can't help but wonder what this means. Sources could neither confirm nor deny that she also purchased a large bag of Meow Mix.

Born to be Wild!

Rumor has it that Professor McPeak is being investigated by Manhattan Beach authorities for his participation in outlaw street motorcycle drag racing! Sources indicate it is probable that the "Mastermind Madman of Manhattan" is also the head of the rouge criminal gang plaguing the south beach area known as "The Accountants".

UFO's

There's certainly something in the air, and it's not just falling leaves! Last week eyewitnesses reported seeing paper airplanes exiting Dean Mallinger's window! Samples obtained by Fly On The Wall indicate they were made from UCLA and USC letterhead.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Whodunit?

You've probably noticed the handle to the 'fridge in the student lounge has been broken off. But does anyone know HOW this happened?


Fly On The Wall has learned the following:

It all began with a discussion of a regression analysis problem between Professor Seaman, Professor Hahn, Alina Topala, Derek Hsu, and Sarah Han. Things started out well enough, but words became heated over whether to use a 90% or 95% confidence level. Harsh words were traded, and the situation rapidly spun out of control. Professor Hahn had to be restrained, and Professor Seaman became enraged and tore the handle from the fridge.

According to Alina, "It was like he was posessed. He had this wild look in his eye...like when he plays ping pong, but worse."

"He tried to pick up the fridge and throw it," noted Derek. "Well, he tried a couple of times but it didn't work. He was only able to rip the handle off."

"Yeah, and it took him a couple of tries to do it", added Sarah.

Reports indicate it was the lucky appearance of Professor Williams that managed to defuse the rapidly deteriorating situation.

"Professor Williams came in and started shouting 'Sammy! Sammy! Friend, Sammy! FRIEND!' and Professor Seaman got this dazed look and all the fight went out of him."

The two were later seen in U3, chanting Buddhist runes.

SCANDAL: Abuse of power!

Fly On The Wall has obtained evidence indicating that President Bre Hayes is redirecting funds from the Social committe to have the statue of George Graziadio taken down and replaced with one of herself!