VOTING FRENZY

As we all know by now, there was a bit of a snag in the first day of voting in the GSBM elections yesterday.

“Oh brother, we had a bunch of problems this year”, an anonymous source told Fly On The Wall. “When we opened up the voting to the second year students there was a computer glitch and we accidentally opened up the voting to *all* of the second year students--all the way back to the class of 1979!”

“But ya know, we were willing to look past this little gaffe. I mean, the more people that vote the more democratic the process, right?”

“For the first few hours we were all patting ourselves on the back: voter turnout was through the roof! But then some quant guy spoiled the party for everyone. Something about the 150,000 ballots received in the first six hours being roughly four times the size of the entire Pepperdine Alumni network. It was pretty obvious some folks had gone Chicago Style on us and were voting early and often.”

“But then came the worst part: we started counting the votes and Sanjaya Malakar was winning!”

“So much for the honor code.”

For those who are not in the know, voting repeatedly, and/or casting proxy votes for pets (dogs, cats, birds, rocks, etc.), friends (real or imaginary), or relatives (living or deceased) is generally frowned upon.

Voting resumes today, and all students of the GSBM are encouraged to re-cast their one vote if they have not already done so.

HAMMERTIME!

With a gleam in his eye, Starbucks Coffee in his veins, and a sledgehammer in his hand, Nick Merriam (GSBM ’08) is warming right up to his new position as VCLL Avenger.

"Ethics are essential today in the business world,” explained Mr. Merriam. “They’re also vital inside and outside of the classroom.”

“Pepperdine has always been all about its ethics code, and now I’m here to make sure it’s enforced!”

Wandering the halls, hammer in hand, Mr. Merriman vows to never waver from his mission to stomp out unethical behavior wherever he finds it.

“Over the past few months Pepperdine has been repeatedly rocked by scandal: Presidential abuses of power, the investment challenge fiasco, the list goes on. Someone had to take a stand.”

“Things are going to change on this campus now that the VCLL Avenger is in town. Just today I wrote up two people for IMing in class and busted Matt Atkinson for not eating his vegetables.”

“I also dropped the hammer on a car that took up two parking places. That’ll show ‘em!”

When asked what was number one on his hit list, Mr. Merriam scowled and snarled.

“Gossip! I hate it! Mostly because I’m never a part of it, but that’s beside the point. Untruth has no place at Pepperdine! Just the other day I caught Alana Turhoff dishing false information about Jason Faught’s mysterious girlfriend, saying she was some young tall thing.”

“Well, let me tell you, I set things right! I did some digging and can state for a fact that Jason’s girlfriend is *over* 18 and *under* 4 foot 6!”

“Like they say, sunshine is the best disinfectant!”

(When approached for a rebuttal to these allegations, Mr. Faught began blushing furiously and refused to comment.)

Mr. Merriman acknowledges that he has his work cut out for him in the next several weeks.

"The VCLL Avenger has a lot of things to set right before graduation: Talking in class, eating in the library, and the big problem of mattress tags being removed in the dormitories.”

When asked how he will find time to complete these daunting tasks, he chuckled and winked before replying.

“Well, let’s just say that after The Avenger alleged some unethical behavior by certain members of the Administration, he doesn’t have to take any more classes! Woo hoo! It’s all about working the system!”

Mr. Merriman is currently accepting anonymous tips via email.

PUBLIC NOTICE

As discussed in Tuesday’s Candidate Q&A Forum in L1, students are advised to be on the lookout for the nefarious character operating under the alias of “Pepgossipboy”. Reported to be a student, this individual is armed with a wit that has been called sharp by some, and quite dull by others. A habitual offender, he is alleged to have engaged in a rampage of repeated acts of satire and random humor for the past three months.

While it is not known for certain what started him on this path that has wrought unspeakable shame, despair and misery upon the GSBM, experts believe this writing mania was brought on by the severe trauma that arose from his exposure to a stupendously poorly written GSBM gossip blog late last year. Appalled by the banality, boorishness and plain old bad writing (purportedly by a graduate student), he felt he had no choice but to write his own blog in a twisted attempt to restore the dignity of the GSBM and send the message that some students still know how to write.

While the suspect may have been operating under the misguided belief that he was being humorous, the reactions of several candidates in L1 make it clear that funny behavior should be strictly curtailed in the future and similar instances of free speech must be severely punished. Failure to do so will certainly lead to the downfall of Western civilization and undoubtedly cause Pepperdine to be dragged down much in the same way that Harvard was ruined by the Harvard Lampoon.

Hats off to the brave candidates who have made this stance a main pillar to their platforms!

Should students encounter any material written by the suspect, under no circumstances should it be read, discussed, or (heavens forbid) laughed at in any way, shape or form.

It is strongly advised that students redouble their efforts to take themselves much too seriously in order to survive this difficult time.

It is unknown at this time which candidate the suspect will be voting for.

CLASSIC MIKE

The beard is gone, the hair is tousled, and that familiar wild look has returned to his eyes.

That’s right, after a spectacularly unsuccessful rebranding campaign, Classic Mike Tanenbaum is back!



“In doing the market research, focus groups were not told that New Mike ("What's News", 1/8/08) would permanently be replacing Classic Mike,” said newly hired publicist Emalie Brogch.

“While research indicated the market would embrace New Mike, we quickly discovered that Corporate America was not at all fond of the new look.”

“More importantly, the vital 24-36 year old female demographic was also less than thrilled with the look of New Mike and demanded a return to the status quo.”

“His mother was never too hot on the idea either.”

Ms. Brgoch laughed at accusations that the entire New Mike/Classic Mike campaign was merely a clever marketing ploy to enhance the Michael Tanenbaum brand.

“Oh come on! He’s not smart or stupid enough to pull off a stunt like that!”

Mr. Tanenbaum was unavailable for comment.

PUMP UP THE VOLUME!

In response to numerous complaints about the volume of the TV in the GSBM cafeteria, management has announced that it will be making changes.

“Starting tomorrow, things are going to change,” said a food services employee. “We’re turning the volume up—way up!!!”

"We’ve been hearing that students in U3 can’t hear CNN, so we’re gonna fix that in a BIG way! We’re installing a wall of 4000 watt Wharfedale speakers tonight. It’s gonna be so loud it’ll cook food!”

“This is gonna be awesome!”

Bookstore manager John Kingsbury was also excited by the news.

“This is great news. The old volume level had students buying slates and chalk to communicate in the cafeteria. Earplug sales were already brisk, but this is going to send ‘em through the roof!”

Rumors that the GSBM will be offering crash courses in Morse Code and sign language could not be confirmed at press time.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

While most of us are still hunting for jobs, it looks like Lisa Atia has hit the jackpot with Starbucks!

“I’ve been thinking about getting Starbucks on campus for a while,” she explains, “but I figured I had to do something different than just selling coffee. You know, something with a twist to bring it to the next level. Then it hit me: Why not have it delivered?”

“Starbucks was falling all over itself to get on campus, and when Pepperdine saw the cash flow projections, well, they couldn’t sign fast enough.”

When asked to detail her plan, Ms. Atia explained the following.

“Anyone can open a coffee stand and sell coffee, but the big difference here is that I’m using technology to have fresh brewed coffee delivered to students in class! Students can order via email, IM or SMS, and within minutes one of my runners will be bringing hot coffee to their desks!”

“It’s going to be a totally integrated plan: online classroom seating charts to ensure accurate delivery, live video streaming to watch your coffee being made, and billing going directly to your Pepperdine account.”

“Some professors objected to the plan at first. They started warming to it when I told them it would mean fewer students sleeping in class. But what really sold them was the incentive plan: Free coffee and pound cake for every 5 drinks delivered to their classroom. You should have seen their eyes light up! After that, they all jumped on board.”

The service is scheduled to begin next month and Ms. Atia is accepting job applications until the end of the week.

VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Vanessa Towning has announced that she will be starting a GSBM speed dating service.

“It’s basically a spin off of the ‘dinner with strangers’ series,” she explained. “I’d been thinking about it for a while, but I didn’t have the time.”

With the closing of her hotel of ill repute earlier this week, however, (“Scandal: Bad Behavior In Real Estate,” 2/12/08) Ms. Towning suddenly found she had plenty of time to pursue the project.

“The closing of the Atlantic Avenue property was a most unfortunate occurrence,” admitted Ms. Towning. “But rather than dwell on it, I saw it as an opportunity for me to focus on the speed dating project and other endeavors.”

When asked where the event would take place, Ms. Towning offered the following:

“Well, in my book, having it on campus really wasn’t an option. It’s the wrong environment. It would be too awkward, and the whole adult beverage situation would be…shall we say…lacking in certain areas.”

Then, smiling broadly, she continued:

“With this in mind, I’m holding the event at the grand opening of the newest nightclub in Malibu: V-Town!”

“Located just off of PCH, V-Town promises to be the hottest spot in town to unwind, relax, and meet people. Offering a full bar, great music, and valet parking, V-Town is *the* place to go in Malibu to see and be seen!”

“And there’s also a VIP room…”

The grand opening/speed dating event takes place Thursday, February 14th. Doors open at 8.

COURSE CHANGES

Please note the following additions to the upcoming B Session.

MBAM 638.15 Advanced Financial Modeling. The class will be divided into two sections. Group A will work on building and painting detailed scale replicas of planes, boats and cars. Creating realistic miniature landscapes in HO and N scale are also on the agenda. Group B will be doing print ads, still life, headshots, and runway. Final projects will have real world relevance. To receive credit, students in Group A must successfully sell their completed models on EBay and students in Group B must sign employment contracts.

MBAM 698.75 Managing in Toxic Work Environments. Lecture seminars to be hosted by speakers from (but not limited to) Du Pont, Dow Chemical, Exxon and the EPA. Weekly field trips to various chemical processing plants and Superfund sites.

MBAM 683.61 Advanced Negotiations. Find out how to get your way in almost every situation! Students will learn the secrets of the brass knuckle heavy handshake, lead pipe leverage, and assorted martial arts. Various readings from the Brutalist school of negotiation will be discussed.

MBAM 625.49 High Risk/High Reward Investing. Strategies to be discussed include junk bond investing, derivative trading, blackjack and roulette. Card counting, horse race handicapping and sports book management will also be examined in detail.

MBAM 655.14 Change Management: How much is in your pocket right now?
Topics to be discussed include the following:
Quarters: Laundry and Parking.
Dimes: Who is that guy on the front anyway?
Pennies: Sound like you’re loaded for cents on the dollar!

MBAM 646.37 Guerilla Marketing Tactics. Course covers the history of guerilla marketing warfare as well as the latest tactics and strategies. Considerable time will be spent teaching students how to use GSBM guerilla marketing weapons such as the Malibu Cocktail, Pepperdine Spray, and OB Sleeping Spells.

MOVIE REVIEWS

With busy class schedules, homework, group meetings, and everything else that goes into getting a Pepperdine MBA, who has time to go see movies? That’s right, nobody! Fly On The Wall is no exception, but decided to try writing some movie reviews anyway!

Instead of actually seeing the movie, we figured it’d be more fun to try something different. We dug through our OB toolbox and decided to look through the ‘lens’ (Hey, remember that one?) of an MBA student who only had the title of the film to go by.

Let’s see how we did!

Rambo: Post heroic leadership once again prevails over the rigid and corrupt institutional organization known as the Burmese Army.

27 Dresses: A triumph of Capitalism and consumer choice (27 Dresses!) ruined by an egregious example of materialistic behavior run amuck. (27 Dresses??? Come on! What is she going to do with all of them?)

No Country For Old Men: An examination of the US Social Security system and poor retirement planning.

Meet The Spartans: People used to getting by with less. Probably the product of a planned market economy.

Cloverfield: A little rezoning, and it’ll be a shopping mall.

See you at the movies!

COOKIE MONSTER

It’s Girl Scout Cookie season, and we all know what that means: Time to stock up on cookies while helping a good cause!

“Many successful businesswomen got their starts by selling Girl Scout cookies, and I count myself as one of them,” says Nina Tooley (GSBM ’08).

“I saw some Scouts selling cookies at Ralph’s the other day and thought ‘Hey, with everything I’ve learned at Pepperdine, I can do that again…and this time I can do it better!’”

“So I walked up and offered them a partnership deal. It’s a hybrid pyramid structure. Sort of a mix between Amway and the business model used by Colombian drug lords.”

“Hey, I’m twice their age and twice their size, like they’re gonna say no? From now on they were working for *me*!”

“First I had them all sign a heavily incentivized contract. Lots of big quotas in there to keep them motivated and selling. Then I gave ‘em a couple of lessons on high pressure sales and turned ‘em loose. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner!”

“After that it was off to the races: I was making partnership deals in every shopping center and these kids were selling cookies like their hair was on fire. I cornered the Malibu market by the end of the first day, and had half of Santa Monica covered by the next.”

Although her rise from grad student to the Tony Montana of Thin Mints has been rapid, Mrs. Tooley maintains that she has not lost sight of the fundamentals.

“While I control the Malibu market, I still have to defend against encroachment by competitors. Last week there were some scouts from Calabasas on campus. What a headache: Security was on break, so there were no barriers to entry. Then they started competing on price. I was looking at a nasty price war ‘till I called the truant officer.”

Still, the market continues to evolve, necessitating quick and sometimes unorthodox solutions.

“Case in point: that guerilla action by the pack of Brownies the other day. A tenured professor snuck them in. They swarmed the lower campus and we were losing market share in a big way. There were crumbs everywhere.”

“They were marching up John Tyler Drive and getting ready to storm upper campus. Traditional defender and flanker strategies weren’t working. Then I remembered the lessons in counter-guerilla marketing class. You know, the whole thing about hitting back with something totally unexpected.”

“So I told ‘em the truth about Santa Claus! Hah! Problem solved!”

When asked about how she stays motivated, Mrs. Tooley offered the following.

“It’s all about the rewards that come from achieving goals that keeps me going. The more cookies I sell, the more prizes I get!"

"First it was the beach towel: I had to sell 500 cases to get it. That took me all of four hours. But as soon as I got the towel, I wanted more. So I focused on the hat with the glitter on it. I had to sell 2000 cases there, so it took a bit longer.”

“My next goal is the Green Sash with the gold stars. I need to sell another 10,000, but I’m almost there. I’ve got my troops going door to door at the faculty apartments as we speak. I’m gonna get that sash.”

When asked what her ultimate goal was, Cookie Kingpin Tooley immediately burst from her chair, danced around the room, and began shrieking at the top of her lungs.

“A Pony! A Pony!!! Another 250,000 cases and I get a Pony!”

Cookies remain on sale until the end of this month.

ANNOUNCEMENT

Effective immediately, the use of pyrotechnic devices in group presentations is now strictly forbidden.

This announcement comes as a result of an unfortunate equipment malfunction during Sergiy Lyakh’s (GSBM ’08) presentation: “Google: Explosive growth!”

The explosion severely damaged classroom U3 along with several cars in Lot T.

The extent to which the explosion damaged Mr. Lyakh’s grade remains unknown.