Proven to be just as accurate and reliable as the largest Wall Street investment houses! Each unit comes with three precision crafted stock picking tools.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 12
PROFESSOR FREDERICK'S SCIENTIFIC STOCK PICKER
Proven to be just as accurate and reliable as the largest Wall Street investment houses! Each unit comes with three precision crafted stock picking tools.
Proven to be just as accurate and reliable as the largest Wall Street investment houses! Each unit comes with three precision crafted stock picking tools.
Friday, December 21, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 11.5
HELLO KITTY LEGAL PADS
The law may be blind, but it should never be out of style! Be the talk of the classroom or the courtroom. A perennial Professor Weisdorn favorite, these tabby tablets are always good for a few extra class participation points in Business Law.
The law may be blind, but it should never be out of style! Be the talk of the classroom or the courtroom. A perennial Professor Weisdorn favorite, these tabby tablets are always good for a few extra class participation points in Business Law.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 11
MICHAEL’S MANY HATS
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Always be in style with this extensive hat collection, featuring headpieces for every occasion! Hat rack extra.
Always be in style with this extensive hat collection, featuring headpieces for every occasion! Hat rack extra.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 10
HEATHER BUCHHOLZ'S BUCKET OF CANDY
The perfect stocking stuffer! Just what the hungry student needs to get through a four hour class! Made from the finest galvanized steel, the 40 gallon bucket is reusable and holds approximately 85 lbs of candy. Refills available.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 9
LAND OF THE BRE POSTER
Another *must* buy! Printed in the old school tradition of Eastern European planned economies and South American military juntas, this poster will soon be seen in all public places of gathering as well as required in all private dwellings. Get yours now to avoid a negative quarterly review by Presidentita For Life Bre’s surprise quality control squad!
Another *must* buy! Printed in the old school tradition of Eastern European planned economies and South American military juntas, this poster will soon be seen in all public places of gathering as well as required in all private dwellings. Get yours now to avoid a negative quarterly review by Presidentita For Life Bre’s surprise quality control squad!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 8
ZACH’S GUIDE TO PUBLIC SPEAKING
Improve your public speaking ability with handy how-to manual authored by Zach Pond.
Chapter titles include: “Everybody Shut Up”, “Screaming For Effect”, “Grab ‘Em By The Throat” and “Making Intimidation Work For You”.
SPECIAL OFFER: First 50 orders receive bonus chapters “The Art Non-Verbal Conversation” and “Everyone Listens To The Man With The Gun.”
Improve your public speaking ability with handy how-to manual authored by Zach Pond.Chapter titles include: “Everybody Shut Up”, “Screaming For Effect”, “Grab ‘Em By The Throat” and “Making Intimidation Work For You”.
SPECIAL OFFER: First 50 orders receive bonus chapters “The Art Non-Verbal Conversation” and “Everyone Listens To The Man With The Gun.”
Monday, December 17, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 7
GIAPET
Experience memories of Business Law and watching grass grow!
.
THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES
An anonymous source has contacted Fly On The Wall with yet another bizarre story about Professor Gia Weisdorn. It appears that our favorite law professor is very much in the holiday shopping spirit. But as for what she is going to do with all of her purchases…well…the jury is still out on that one.
The source, calling himself “White Bread,” related the following story.
“So I’m back working at Best Buy for the holiday break, you know, just a bit of back office work for a few weeks. Anyway, the floor manager comes into the office talking about this lady who is buying DVD’s like crazy. She has this big list and she’s not just buying one of each, she’s buying *all* the DVD’s we have of each title: Catwoman, Josie and the Pussycats, That Darn Cat, The Cat From Outer Space, Felix The Cat, everything cat related.”
“Right then I had a bad feeling I knew who our mystery shopper was, but I was afraid to look. If she saw me things could be really awkward, you know? I mean, what would I do if she asked for a discount?”
“So I check the closed circuit TV, and yep, it’s Professor Weisdorn. She’s running through the store like a woman possessed: two filled carts and she’s still sweeping up DVD’s by the armload. She was like a tornado, leaving empty shelves everywhere in her wake. It was crazy.”
“It was like she was in a mad rush to get out of there…like she didn’t want anyone to see her.”
Sensing the severity of the situation, Mr. Bread took action.
“I sent the floor manager back onto the floor with orders to give Professor Weisdorn whatever she wanted. Then I called the stockroom and told them to pull *all* the cat related DVD’s we had back there. This was our big chance to unload all those Garfield videos.”
“It was amazing. She cleaned us out. She even bought all the Austin Powers movies…I totally forgot about Dr. Evil’s cat. I’m astounded. Nothing gets past her.”
“In the end, I had to give the floor manager the rest of the day off. Trying to keep up with Professor Weisdorn had him frazzled, but stuffing 900 DVDs into the Porsche, well, that broke him. Poor guy.”
When asked if he had any idea who Professor Weisdorn was buying all those DVDs for, source W.B. could only shake his head and reply in a hushed tone. “I have no idea…and I’m not sure I want to know… All I know for sure is she shattered my floor manager and a left my store a shambles.”
“But it could have been worse,” he reflected. “She could have wanted them gift wrapped.”
The source, calling himself “White Bread,” related the following story.
“So I’m back working at Best Buy for the holiday break, you know, just a bit of back office work for a few weeks. Anyway, the floor manager comes into the office talking about this lady who is buying DVD’s like crazy. She has this big list and she’s not just buying one of each, she’s buying *all* the DVD’s we have of each title: Catwoman, Josie and the Pussycats, That Darn Cat, The Cat From Outer Space, Felix The Cat, everything cat related.”“Right then I had a bad feeling I knew who our mystery shopper was, but I was afraid to look. If she saw me things could be really awkward, you know? I mean, what would I do if she asked for a discount?”
“So I check the closed circuit TV, and yep, it’s Professor Weisdorn. She’s running through the store like a woman possessed: two filled carts and she’s still sweeping up DVD’s by the armload. She was like a tornado, leaving empty shelves everywhere in her wake. It was crazy.”
“It was like she was in a mad rush to get out of there…like she didn’t want anyone to see her.”
Sensing the severity of the situation, Mr. Bread took action.
“I sent the floor manager back onto the floor with orders to give Professor Weisdorn whatever she wanted. Then I called the stockroom and told them to pull *all* the cat related DVD’s we had back there. This was our big chance to unload all those Garfield videos.”
“It was amazing. She cleaned us out. She even bought all the Austin Powers movies…I totally forgot about Dr. Evil’s cat. I’m astounded. Nothing gets past her.”
“In the end, I had to give the floor manager the rest of the day off. Trying to keep up with Professor Weisdorn had him frazzled, but stuffing 900 DVDs into the Porsche, well, that broke him. Poor guy.”
When asked if he had any idea who Professor Weisdorn was buying all those DVDs for, source W.B. could only shake his head and reply in a hushed tone. “I have no idea…and I’m not sure I want to know… All I know for sure is she shattered my floor manager and a left my store a shambles.”
“But it could have been worse,” he reflected. “She could have wanted them gift wrapped.”
Sunday, December 16, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 6.5
DR. MALLINGER’S POWER TIES
On an interview or in the boardroom, sometimes looking your best simply isn’t good enough. You need that extra edge. You need one of Dr. Mallinger’s Power Ties.
This Christmas Dr. Mallinger is opening the vault and sharing the keys to the kingdom by offering The Mallinger Prestige Tie Collection.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years in the business world, it’s the importance of proper neckwear,” says Dr. Mallinger. “The wrong shade of navy can ruin a career.”
“The Prestige line is based upon vintage models I have in my wardrobe that are proven winners. Each tie is named for what it accomplished. There’s “Stellar Review”, “Big Bonus” and “Keys to the coffee room” just to name a few.
“Also, for a limited time, I will be offering the tie that got me the job at Pepperdine. I call that one ‘The Mallinger’.”
Quantities are limited, so be sure to order yours today!
On an interview or in the boardroom, sometimes looking your best simply isn’t good enough. You need that extra edge. You need one of Dr. Mallinger’s Power Ties.
This Christmas Dr. Mallinger is opening the vault and sharing the keys to the kingdom by offering The Mallinger Prestige Tie Collection.“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years in the business world, it’s the importance of proper neckwear,” says Dr. Mallinger. “The wrong shade of navy can ruin a career.”
“The Prestige line is based upon vintage models I have in my wardrobe that are proven winners. Each tie is named for what it accomplished. There’s “Stellar Review”, “Big Bonus” and “Keys to the coffee room” just to name a few.
“Also, for a limited time, I will be offering the tie that got me the job at Pepperdine. I call that one ‘The Mallinger’.”
Quantities are limited, so be sure to order yours today!
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 6
RAJAN'S HOLIDAY HAIR
“Santa Hats are so passé. Everyone has one by now,” explains Rajan. “My Holiday Hair is unique! You can accessorize it with flashing lights, garland, and fake snow highlights. It’ll definitely get you noticed, and you’ll be the talk of the holiday networking party!”
“Remember: Nothing says ‘Merry Christmas’ louder than a head full of Technicolor hair! Accept no imitations!”
“Santa Hats are so passé. Everyone has one by now,” explains Rajan. “My Holiday Hair is unique! You can accessorize it with flashing lights, garland, and fake snow highlights. It’ll definitely get you noticed, and you’ll be the talk of the holiday networking party!”“Remember: Nothing says ‘Merry Christmas’ louder than a head full of Technicolor hair! Accept no imitations!”
Saturday, December 15, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 5
RUPY’S BIG BOOK OF EXCUSES
A must-have this holiday season! What could be more fun than sitting around with friends and reading the screamingly funny reasons for why you can’t do your share of a paper or make it to a meeting? Over 1000 pages of delusional prose.
Here’s a sneak peek of some of the gems inside:
“I’m gonna be sick next Thursday.”
“I’ll just use your slides.”
“I got turned into a newt…I’m better now.”
“I got locked in my car.”
“I didn’t understand the question.”
“Dog ate it.”
“Cat ate it.”
“I ate it.”
“Got lost.”
“Kidnapped.”
“Solar Eclipse.”
“Alien abduction.”
“Bad air quality.”
“Harmonic Convergence.”
“Amnesia.”
“Sunburn.”
“High tide.”
A must-have this holiday season! What could be more fun than sitting around with friends and reading the screamingly funny reasons for why you can’t do your share of a paper or make it to a meeting? Over 1000 pages of delusional prose.Here’s a sneak peek of some of the gems inside:
“I’m gonna be sick next Thursday.”
“I’ll just use your slides.”
“I got turned into a newt…I’m better now.”
“I got locked in my car.”
“I didn’t understand the question.”
“Dog ate it.”
“Cat ate it.”
“I ate it.”
“Got lost.”
“Kidnapped.”
“Solar Eclipse.”
“Alien abduction.”
“Bad air quality.”
“Harmonic Convergence.”
“Amnesia.”
“Sunburn.”
“High tide.”
BUSINESS HAIKU
Dollar, Yen, EuroBeautiful diversity
In portfolio
You see a forest
And miss with your untrained eye
Opportunity
20 month program
From trough of knowledge we drink
Someone please hire me
Profit margin fat
And tax breaks make them fatter
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze again
Free market system
Plucking cash from consumers
Invisible hand
Cash, where has it gone
Like Malibu, all is burned
This startup is dead
Friday, December 14, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 4
PROFESSOR HAHN’S CD
Featuring 20 blistering guitar tracks, Professor Hahn turns it up a notch in his latest release, ANOVA. In addition to his famous live recording of Purple Haze, the album also includes favorites “Regression Number 9” and “Crosstabs”.
In addition to receiving autographed ANOVA posters, the first 100 orders will also be entered in the “Live Like A Rockstar” sweepstakes. The lucky winner gets the chance to ride in the tour bus with Professor Hahn on his 37 date Hahn Solo Tour this summer.
Featuring 20 blistering guitar tracks, Professor Hahn turns it up a notch in his latest release, ANOVA. In addition to his famous live recording of Purple Haze, the album also includes favorites “Regression Number 9” and “Crosstabs”.
In addition to receiving autographed ANOVA posters, the first 100 orders will also be entered in the “Live Like A Rockstar” sweepstakes. The lucky winner gets the chance to ride in the tour bus with Professor Hahn on his 37 date Hahn Solo Tour this summer.
LET IT SNOW!
In keeping with the spirit of the holiday season, the GSBM has announced plans to encase the campus in a giant inflatable snow globe.
“I’ve been dreaming of a white Christmas here in Malibu for years,” said Dr. Mallinger, “and now, by gum, we’re gonna get one!”
At over 200 meters in diameter, the snow globe will encompass the entirety of the Drescher academic campus. Huge fans and chiller units are being installed to create the artificial snow and then blow it about.
“It’ll be *great*,” Dr. Mallinger continued. “We’re gonna have the fans on ‘blizzard’ setting the whole time so the students can experience the joys of winter as they walk between buildings or to the library. This is gonna be so awesome!”
“We’re also putting a 100 foot inflatable snowman on top of the library. We planned to cover the parking lot as well, but public safety put their foot down. Something about not having snow tires or plows. What a bunch of spoilsports.”
“The snow globe will add more value to the GSBM, as it will be another point of differentiation to attract students. This will definitely give us a leg up on UCLA.”
Dr. Mallinger would neither confirm nor deny rumors about a waterslide being set up during the summer months as a further point of differentiation. When pressed, he would only smile and cryptically reply “let’s just say that starting in June room U3 will be a lot more interesting…”
“I’ve been dreaming of a white Christmas here in Malibu for years,” said Dr. Mallinger, “and now, by gum, we’re gonna get one!”
At over 200 meters in diameter, the snow globe will encompass the entirety of the Drescher academic campus. Huge fans and chiller units are being installed to create the artificial snow and then blow it about.“It’ll be *great*,” Dr. Mallinger continued. “We’re gonna have the fans on ‘blizzard’ setting the whole time so the students can experience the joys of winter as they walk between buildings or to the library. This is gonna be so awesome!”
“We’re also putting a 100 foot inflatable snowman on top of the library. We planned to cover the parking lot as well, but public safety put their foot down. Something about not having snow tires or plows. What a bunch of spoilsports.”
“The snow globe will add more value to the GSBM, as it will be another point of differentiation to attract students. This will definitely give us a leg up on UCLA.”
Dr. Mallinger would neither confirm nor deny rumors about a waterslide being set up during the summer months as a further point of differentiation. When pressed, he would only smile and cryptically reply “let’s just say that starting in June room U3 will be a lot more interesting…”
Thursday, December 13, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 3
PROFESSOR SEAMAN BOBBLEHEAD DOLLS
Can’t get into enough classes with Professor Seaman? Well, how about the next best thing: Professor Seaman on your desk! These handsome dolls are sure to become collectors’ items, and are built to provide years of lifelike head bobbling. Current models include “The Professor” and “Shootin Sammy”. Purchase the two together, and receive a dashboard mounting kit at no additional cost!
Can’t get into enough classes with Professor Seaman? Well, how about the next best thing: Professor Seaman on your desk! These handsome dolls are sure to become collectors’ items, and are built to provide years of lifelike head bobbling. Current models include “The Professor” and “Shootin Sammy”. Purchase the two together, and receive a dashboard mounting kit at no additional cost!
LEGAL WOES
It’s been only a week since the term ended, but Pepperdine’s mental health and counseling services are already reporting a large spike in visits by second year GSBM students.
“It’s bad at the end of every term, but it’s always the worst in the fall,” says Pepperdine mental health specialist Dr. Lucinda Greco. “After being in an intense relationship for 15 weeks, students are suddenly cut loose. They feel lost, betrayed, and don’t know what to do with themselves.”
“We have a scientific term for this malady. It’s called Business Law Withdrawal.”
“I couldn’t believe it,” explained a hollow eyed Liz Pasaretti (GSBM ’08). I mean for 15 weeks that textbook was with me 24/7. I fell asleep holding him in my arms, and woke up with him next to me. He was such a big part of my life. We’d spend entire weekends together…just the two of us.”
Choking back tears, she continued. “We were coming up on our four month anniversary. I thought we had something special. And then it was over!”
“Everyone thinks they won’t fall for this hardcover Casanova,” explains Dr. Greco, but it gets ‘em every time. It’s a form of Stockholm syndrome: a one sided relationship where Mr. B. Law first seduces his victims and takes control of their lives...and then leaves them feeling empty.”
“I barely made it through the weekend,” said an ashen faced Lana Cohen (GSBM ’08). “Suddenly I had all this free time…I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
Counselors stress that this condition is reversible and that things will improve over time. “After the initial shock, it’s vital that students suffering from Business Law Withdrawal reacquaint themselves with the things they have been missing. Things like sleeping, eating and talking to the people they used to know before they got in trouble with the law.”
In addition to developing something called a ‘social life’, Dr. Greco also suggests watching lots of TV as well as attending multiple happy hours and drinking lots of fluids in order to help speed the recovery process.
“It’s bad at the end of every term, but it’s always the worst in the fall,” says Pepperdine mental health specialist Dr. Lucinda Greco. “After being in an intense relationship for 15 weeks, students are suddenly cut loose. They feel lost, betrayed, and don’t know what to do with themselves.”
“We have a scientific term for this malady. It’s called Business Law Withdrawal.”“I couldn’t believe it,” explained a hollow eyed Liz Pasaretti (GSBM ’08). I mean for 15 weeks that textbook was with me 24/7. I fell asleep holding him in my arms, and woke up with him next to me. He was such a big part of my life. We’d spend entire weekends together…just the two of us.”
Choking back tears, she continued. “We were coming up on our four month anniversary. I thought we had something special. And then it was over!”
“Everyone thinks they won’t fall for this hardcover Casanova,” explains Dr. Greco, but it gets ‘em every time. It’s a form of Stockholm syndrome: a one sided relationship where Mr. B. Law first seduces his victims and takes control of their lives...and then leaves them feeling empty.”
“I barely made it through the weekend,” said an ashen faced Lana Cohen (GSBM ’08). “Suddenly I had all this free time…I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
Counselors stress that this condition is reversible and that things will improve over time. “After the initial shock, it’s vital that students suffering from Business Law Withdrawal reacquaint themselves with the things they have been missing. Things like sleeping, eating and talking to the people they used to know before they got in trouble with the law.”
In addition to developing something called a ‘social life’, Dr. Greco also suggests watching lots of TV as well as attending multiple happy hours and drinking lots of fluids in order to help speed the recovery process.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 2
FEARLESS LEADERS GARDEN STATUES
95 feet high, and cast in solid bronze, these lovely statues are just the thing to spruce up your backyard, or the nearest open plaza. Feel the blunt power radiating from this work, and live forever in its shadow, knowing that this Power Trio is watching over you at all times.
Word is that Presidentita for Life Bre will be requiring all students to purchase this distinctive garden statue set, so get on her good side and order now!
95 feet high, and cast in solid bronze, these lovely statues are just the thing to spruce up your backyard, or the nearest open plaza. Feel the blunt power radiating from this work, and live forever in its shadow, knowing that this Power Trio is watching over you at all times.
Word is that Presidentita for Life Bre will be requiring all students to purchase this distinctive garden statue set, so get on her good side and order now!
'TIS THE SEASON
The main auditorium is abuzz with activity as rehearsals continue for the GSBM’s holiday production of the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol.
“The professors had been kicking around the idea for a while,” said Jamie Wood, who is directing the spectacular. “Originally they wanted to do the Nutcracker Suite, but, well, we didn’t exactly have the right material to work with there, if you know what I mean.”
“The idea of some of the professors in a tutu…let’s not go there.”
Casting calls were held just after Thanksgiving, and the lucky selectees have been practicing ever since.
“Professor Charles Morrissey was born to play Scrooge,” says Dr. Mallinger. “The way he scowls and growls ‘bah Humbug’, he’s a natural!”
“Now if we could only get him to stop calling Tiny Tim a juvenile delinquent...”
“But enough talk about Professor Morrissey. Let’s talk more about me. I’m playing the Ghost of Christmas Past, which of course is the most important of the three. It’s the most under appreciated character in the play, and if I do say so, I think I’m going to steal the show. I have a SAG card, you know.”
When asked to comment further on the other two Christmas ghosts, a petulant Dr. Mallinger continued: “Well, Professor Steffl is playing Christmas Present, and he’s doing a good job, but with less élan than moi, of course.”
“Professor Wally Jones, on the other hand, is totally overdoing it as the Ghost of Christmas Future. I mean, I know he’s excited to be wearing that hooded cloak and all, but look at the binder he’s carrying with him. He has about 80 pages of detailed blocking instructions and has choreographed every minute detail of his performance. You gotta be kidding me. I mean, come on! He’s on stage for 30 seconds, and all he has to do is point his finger at a stupid tombstone! He doesn’t even *say* anything! Can’t he keep things simple for once?”
Leaving Dr. Mallinger's continued ranting, Fly On The Wall next approached Professor Torres to ask him about his take on the production.
“I’m pleased as punch to be playing the part of Jacob Marley”, he began. “You know, laying it all out for Scrooge and giving him a chance to look inward at himself. Showing him how he can change from a miserable miser to a happy person…it’s just like my Negotiations and Resolution class that I’ll be teaching in the spring, which in addition to being a great class on its own, also fulfills the Applied Behavior requirement.”
When asked to comment further about the play, he continued, “Professor McPeak is a great Bob Cratchit when he can remember his lines, which isn’t too often. But he’s getting better at ad-libbing. Whenever he forgets a line, he starts speaking in another language, and then we know to help him out. It makes things interesting.”
“Professor Williams is playing the part of Scrooge’s happy-go-lucky nephew, Fred. That one’s a no-brainer.”
When asked about reports of Professor Seaman acting like a prima donna, Professor Torres chose his words carefully. “Well, Tiny Tim is a central character, so he naturally attracts a lot of attention…which suits Professor Seaman just fine.”
“Deep down, I think it’s Sammy’s insecurities that are making him act out. I think he’s afraid of being typecast. He really should take my Negotiation and Resolution course. Did I mention it meets at 1pm on Wednesdays?”
Performances will be held at 8pm on December 21st and 22nd. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door.
“The professors had been kicking around the idea for a while,” said Jamie Wood, who is directing the spectacular. “Originally they wanted to do the Nutcracker Suite, but, well, we didn’t exactly have the right material to work with there, if you know what I mean.”
“The idea of some of the professors in a tutu…let’s not go there.”
Casting calls were held just after Thanksgiving, and the lucky selectees have been practicing ever since.
“Professor Charles Morrissey was born to play Scrooge,” says Dr. Mallinger. “The way he scowls and growls ‘bah Humbug’, he’s a natural!”“Now if we could only get him to stop calling Tiny Tim a juvenile delinquent...”
“But enough talk about Professor Morrissey. Let’s talk more about me. I’m playing the Ghost of Christmas Past, which of course is the most important of the three. It’s the most under appreciated character in the play, and if I do say so, I think I’m going to steal the show. I have a SAG card, you know.”
When asked to comment further on the other two Christmas ghosts, a petulant Dr. Mallinger continued: “Well, Professor Steffl is playing Christmas Present, and he’s doing a good job, but with less élan than moi, of course.”
“Professor Wally Jones, on the other hand, is totally overdoing it as the Ghost of Christmas Future. I mean, I know he’s excited to be wearing that hooded cloak and all, but look at the binder he’s carrying with him. He has about 80 pages of detailed blocking instructions and has choreographed every minute detail of his performance. You gotta be kidding me. I mean, come on! He’s on stage for 30 seconds, and all he has to do is point his finger at a stupid tombstone! He doesn’t even *say* anything! Can’t he keep things simple for once?”Leaving Dr. Mallinger's continued ranting, Fly On The Wall next approached Professor Torres to ask him about his take on the production.
“I’m pleased as punch to be playing the part of Jacob Marley”, he began. “You know, laying it all out for Scrooge and giving him a chance to look inward at himself. Showing him how he can change from a miserable miser to a happy person…it’s just like my Negotiations and Resolution class that I’ll be teaching in the spring, which in addition to being a great class on its own, also fulfills the Applied Behavior requirement.”When asked to comment further about the play, he continued, “Professor McPeak is a great Bob Cratchit when he can remember his lines, which isn’t too often. But he’s getting better at ad-libbing. Whenever he forgets a line, he starts speaking in another language, and then we know to help him out. It makes things interesting.”
“Professor Williams is playing the part of Scrooge’s happy-go-lucky nephew, Fred. That one’s a no-brainer.”When asked about reports of Professor Seaman acting like a prima donna, Professor Torres chose his words carefully. “Well, Tiny Tim is a central character, so he naturally attracts a lot of attention…which suits Professor Seaman just fine.”
“Deep down, I think it’s Sammy’s insecurities that are making him act out. I think he’s afraid of being typecast. He really should take my Negotiation and Resolution course. Did I mention it meets at 1pm on Wednesdays?”
Performances will be held at 8pm on December 21st and 22nd. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, DAY 1
PROFESSOR PAGLIA’S PERFECT HAIRCARE
You’ve seen it from afar, you’ve seen it up close. Always the same: Perfect. Unaffected by rain, wind, or invading SWAT team. You can’t help but wonder: How does he do it??? And moreover, how can *I* get it?
Wonder no more! Winner of ‘Best Head of Hair on Campus’ for the 4th straight year, Professor Paglia is now sharing his secrets with the less fortunate by offering “Paglia’s Perfect Haircare System.” The kit comes with everything you see in the photo below, as well as a 300 page step by step instruction manual.
NOTE: Some elements of the kit require three phase 440 volt outlets. Purchasers must also obtain waivers from the EPA to use some of the included liquids and gels.
You’ve seen it from afar, you’ve seen it up close. Always the same: Perfect. Unaffected by rain, wind, or invading SWAT team. You can’t help but wonder: How does he do it??? And moreover, how can *I* get it?
Wonder no more! Winner of ‘Best Head of Hair on Campus’ for the 4th straight year, Professor Paglia is now sharing his secrets with the less fortunate by offering “Paglia’s Perfect Haircare System.” The kit comes with everything you see in the photo below, as well as a 300 page step by step instruction manual.
NOTE: Some elements of the kit require three phase 440 volt outlets. Purchasers must also obtain waivers from the EPA to use some of the included liquids and gels.THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEAS
Christmas is right around the corner, and it’s time to get down to the serious job of shopping for all those holiday gifts! With so many gifts to buy, and so much to choose from, how does one find that *perfect* gift for that special someone?Fly On The Wall has been combing the shelves and come up with a slew of unique gift ideas for that that special GSBM classmate (or professor) will be sure to love!
Be sure to check in each day as Fly On The Wall presents Twelve Days of Christmas gift ideas!
Monday, December 10, 2007
THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES
Professor Gia Weisdorn was spotted at Ralph’s again, but rather than buying cat paraphernalia, this time she was seen having a long discussion with The Cat Lady!
For those not familiar who are not familiar, The Cat Lady is a Malibu resident who is regularly seen in Ralphs, Starbucks, CVS, etc, with a cat perched on her shoulder. When any mention is made of her cat, she immediately begins rattling off laws and ordinances that permit her to bring her cat into stores, restaurants, or anywhere else she happens to be going.
You heard it here first, folks: In addition to her teaching duties at Pepperdine, Professor Weisdorn is also legal counsel to The Cat Lady!
This latest revelation about the enigmatic esquire raises all sorts of questions:
How did the two meet?
Is this part of a larger cat-law agenda?
Will Business Law soon cover animal law?
And of course:
Is she doing the work pro bono?
The mind boggles.
Fly On The Wall still isn't quite sure where all of this is going, but investigations will continue throughout the winter break. Stay tuned for further details!
For those not familiar who are not familiar, The Cat Lady is a Malibu resident who is regularly seen in Ralphs, Starbucks, CVS, etc, with a cat perched on her shoulder. When any mention is made of her cat, she immediately begins rattling off laws and ordinances that permit her to bring her cat into stores, restaurants, or anywhere else she happens to be going.
You heard it here first, folks: In addition to her teaching duties at Pepperdine, Professor Weisdorn is also legal counsel to The Cat Lady!
This latest revelation about the enigmatic esquire raises all sorts of questions:
How did the two meet?
Is this part of a larger cat-law agenda?
Will Business Law soon cover animal law?
And of course:
Is she doing the work pro bono?
The mind boggles.
Fly On The Wall still isn't quite sure where all of this is going, but investigations will continue throughout the winter break. Stay tuned for further details!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
THIS STATS PROF IS A SLAM DUNK!
Professor, linear programmer, ping pong player. These are words used by many to describe Professor Seaman.
Get ready to start using the next two words: Point Guard.
Fly On The Wall has dug up some interesting dirt about Professor Seaman’s College days. Well before he became the Table Tennis Terror of the GSBM, Professor Seaman was Florida’s Beast of the Backcourt.
“Oh, I remember him well,” began former Stetson University head basketball coach, Frank Newman. “I knew he was going to be a handful when I read his bio. Borderline student, hanging out with the wrong crowd, only got in on the athletic scholarship. Some scout saw him playing in a pickup game and signed him.”
“The first few weeks he didn’t even come to practice. He was out at the beach surfing every day. Well, trying to surf. Mostly he was just floating around.”
“I’ll never forget the day he finally showed up to practice. He rolls in like a total hard case: leather jacket and sunglasses. It’s 95 degrees, I’m trying to coach a team, and this clown is doing Marlon Brando in flip flops!”
“He didn’t even play that day. In fact, no one did. He just stole the basketball and went home.”
“It took a while, but eventually he started to come out of his shell. He was a little rough around the edges at first. It took a few weeks before he started talking, and a few more before I could convince him to ditch the flip flops and wear sneakers.”
“But once he put on the sneakers and dumped the jacket, whoa boy, did his game ever take off! He became a force on the court. Put the ball in his hands and you could see his mind calculating: figuring the odds, weighing probabilities, and always going for the high percentage shot.”
“Some kids, you’re happy if they can just do a pick and roll. But Sammy was playing on a different level…way higher than everyone else. He totally played above his height. Whenever I’d start to diagram a play on the chalkboard, he’d whip out his laptop and start running solver equations. Next thing I know, he’s suggesting different plays that he *swore* would have better outcomes.”
“Amazingly, he was right.”
“I put him in charge of team strategy and he totally went to town, drawing all these diagrams and decision trees. Then he started talking about multinomial regression theory. I still have no idea what that means, but it worked. The team started winning and winning big.”
“But there were still some bumps in the road. He still had that feral edge to him. Whenever he gave up a few points he’d start snarling and smashing things. Sometimes he’d get this look in his eye and totally lose it.”
“This could be good during a game, but not so good during team practice. Like the time he ripped down the backboard…or the time he attacked the team bus. Good thing we had comprehensive on that.”
“And on top of all that, there was the whole academic thing. We had to hire eight of the best tutors and pay them big bucks to take all of his classes.”
“But it was worth it. We were tearing through the competition and “Shootin’ Sammy” was the talk of the conference. I was looking like a genius and Stetson was looking at an invite to March Madness. Life was good.”
“But then the unthinkable happened: Sammy actually went to a class…a statistics class.”
“After that, the wheels fell off. I still can’t believe how it ended. I mean, I don’t think he even *knew* where the classrooms were! He musta gotten lost and wandered in by mistake.”
“Anyways, once he found that stats class, forget about it! He was hooked. We never saw him on the court again.”
“We tried everything to lure him back: pieces of raw meat, cubes of sugar, stun guns--everything--but it was no use. A month later I’m out of coaching and two weeks after that I’m back to selling Buicks. Oh well. It was good while it lasted.”
When he’s not floating around at Surfrider Beach, Professor Seaman can occasionaly be seen in room 324.
Get ready to start using the next two words: Point Guard.
Fly On The Wall has dug up some interesting dirt about Professor Seaman’s College days. Well before he became the Table Tennis Terror of the GSBM, Professor Seaman was Florida’s Beast of the Backcourt.
“Oh, I remember him well,” began former Stetson University head basketball coach, Frank Newman. “I knew he was going to be a handful when I read his bio. Borderline student, hanging out with the wrong crowd, only got in on the athletic scholarship. Some scout saw him playing in a pickup game and signed him.”“The first few weeks he didn’t even come to practice. He was out at the beach surfing every day. Well, trying to surf. Mostly he was just floating around.”
“I’ll never forget the day he finally showed up to practice. He rolls in like a total hard case: leather jacket and sunglasses. It’s 95 degrees, I’m trying to coach a team, and this clown is doing Marlon Brando in flip flops!”
“He didn’t even play that day. In fact, no one did. He just stole the basketball and went home.”
“It took a while, but eventually he started to come out of his shell. He was a little rough around the edges at first. It took a few weeks before he started talking, and a few more before I could convince him to ditch the flip flops and wear sneakers.”
“But once he put on the sneakers and dumped the jacket, whoa boy, did his game ever take off! He became a force on the court. Put the ball in his hands and you could see his mind calculating: figuring the odds, weighing probabilities, and always going for the high percentage shot.”
“Some kids, you’re happy if they can just do a pick and roll. But Sammy was playing on a different level…way higher than everyone else. He totally played above his height. Whenever I’d start to diagram a play on the chalkboard, he’d whip out his laptop and start running solver equations. Next thing I know, he’s suggesting different plays that he *swore* would have better outcomes.”
“Amazingly, he was right.”
“I put him in charge of team strategy and he totally went to town, drawing all these diagrams and decision trees. Then he started talking about multinomial regression theory. I still have no idea what that means, but it worked. The team started winning and winning big.”
“But there were still some bumps in the road. He still had that feral edge to him. Whenever he gave up a few points he’d start snarling and smashing things. Sometimes he’d get this look in his eye and totally lose it.”
“This could be good during a game, but not so good during team practice. Like the time he ripped down the backboard…or the time he attacked the team bus. Good thing we had comprehensive on that.”
“And on top of all that, there was the whole academic thing. We had to hire eight of the best tutors and pay them big bucks to take all of his classes.”
“But it was worth it. We were tearing through the competition and “Shootin’ Sammy” was the talk of the conference. I was looking like a genius and Stetson was looking at an invite to March Madness. Life was good.”
“But then the unthinkable happened: Sammy actually went to a class…a statistics class.”
“After that, the wheels fell off. I still can’t believe how it ended. I mean, I don’t think he even *knew* where the classrooms were! He musta gotten lost and wandered in by mistake.”
“Anyways, once he found that stats class, forget about it! He was hooked. We never saw him on the court again.”
“We tried everything to lure him back: pieces of raw meat, cubes of sugar, stun guns--everything--but it was no use. A month later I’m out of coaching and two weeks after that I’m back to selling Buicks. Oh well. It was good while it lasted.”
When he’s not floating around at Surfrider Beach, Professor Seaman can occasionaly be seen in room 324.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
POWER STRUGGLE
In response to recent developments regarding the office of class president, Zach Pond (GSBM ’08) has issued the following statement:
“Due to the outrageous abuses of power, I demand that Bre Hayes steps aside immediately. Having come in second place in the last election, it is perfectly logical that the leadership position should go to me.”
When asked by Fly On The Wall what he would do differently, Mr. Pond became evasive and only made general statements about it being “his turn”.
When queried about the idea of free and open elections he became agitated and began shouting: “These weak minded sheep cannot handle such responsibility…they need to be told what to do!”
Foaming at the mouth, he continued, “I shall abolish the office of President entirely!!! The mongrel populace shall address me by my true and proper title: Zach Pond, Maximum Leader!!!”
When reached for comment, Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes responded that she and her two newest cabinet members, Gucci and Prada, are looking forward to dealing with Mr. Pond as soon as possible.
“I welcome the opportunity for all us to sit down and discuss this matter. My dispute resolution specialists are chomping at the bit. I can’t wait to turn them loose and watch them sink their teeth into this matter!"
Maximum Leader Pond was unavailable for further comment, and has reportedly gone into hiding.
“Due to the outrageous abuses of power, I demand that Bre Hayes steps aside immediately. Having come in second place in the last election, it is perfectly logical that the leadership position should go to me.”
When asked by Fly On The Wall what he would do differently, Mr. Pond became evasive and only made general statements about it being “his turn”.
When queried about the idea of free and open elections he became agitated and began shouting: “These weak minded sheep cannot handle such responsibility…they need to be told what to do!”
Foaming at the mouth, he continued, “I shall abolish the office of President entirely!!! The mongrel populace shall address me by my true and proper title: Zach Pond, Maximum Leader!!!”
When reached for comment, Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes responded that she and her two newest cabinet members, Gucci and Prada, are looking forward to dealing with Mr. Pond as soon as possible.
“I welcome the opportunity for all us to sit down and discuss this matter. My dispute resolution specialists are chomping at the bit. I can’t wait to turn them loose and watch them sink their teeth into this matter!"Maximum Leader Pond was unavailable for further comment, and has reportedly gone into hiding.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
WHAT'S NEWS?
-UPDATE: As the scandals at the GSBM continue to mount, Fly On The Wall has learned that in addition to hiding under the desk and not answering her phone, Dean Livingstone has also begun collecting bits of string.
-As an alternative to the weekly Happy Hours, Director of Communications Katie Nsairy will be introducing a new networking event called “Dancing with Strangers”. The purpose of this event is to provide a better setting for networking with business contacts while learning all sorts of wonderful dance moves. Students get to dance for five minutes before switching partners. Each weekly event will feature a different themed dance: the Mashed Potato, the Macarena, the Time Warp, and Line Dancing.
-Given the popularity of last week’s brown bag liquid lunch program, this week the cafeteria staff will be promoting the three martini lunch. Those interested in participating are asked to report to the Executive Center. Proper attire is required.
-MGBS social chairs Sharon Haughey and Valerie Malloy have announced that the end-of-the-trimester cocktail party will be held at an “undisclosed location” along Santa Monica beach. The University will be providing the first round of cocktails, including orange juice with pulp, decaffeinated coffee, and sparkling water. Drinks will be served on the rocks with a splash of surf.
-Pepperdine has announced that it is considering abandoning the tenured professor system and replacing it with a 5 year straight-line depreciation method.
-As an alternative to the weekly Happy Hours, Director of Communications Katie Nsairy will be introducing a new networking event called “Dancing with Strangers”. The purpose of this event is to provide a better setting for networking with business contacts while learning all sorts of wonderful dance moves. Students get to dance for five minutes before switching partners. Each weekly event will feature a different themed dance: the Mashed Potato, the Macarena, the Time Warp, and Line Dancing.
-Given the popularity of last week’s brown bag liquid lunch program, this week the cafeteria staff will be promoting the three martini lunch. Those interested in participating are asked to report to the Executive Center. Proper attire is required.
-MGBS social chairs Sharon Haughey and Valerie Malloy have announced that the end-of-the-trimester cocktail party will be held at an “undisclosed location” along Santa Monica beach. The University will be providing the first round of cocktails, including orange juice with pulp, decaffeinated coffee, and sparkling water. Drinks will be served on the rocks with a splash of surf.
-Pepperdine has announced that it is considering abandoning the tenured professor system and replacing it with a 5 year straight-line depreciation method.
Monday, December 3, 2007
THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES
BREAK ROOM BEDLAM!
Chaos reigned in the Professors’ break room early this morning when a bag of catnip fell out of Professor Gia Weisdorn’s handbag.
“It was a quiet morning,” said Professor Kent Rhodes. “A bunch of us sitting around, having coffee and laughing about Paul Pinckney’s football pool. Professor Atwater was talking smack all last week about his super duper CRPR football pool picker, and after the weekend, well, let’s just say he was eating some major crow.”
“Professor Weisdorn is laughing so hard she drops her handbag and this little baggie falls out. The room goes SILENT and everyone gets real still. Well, except for Professor Seaman; his eyes lit up and he got all hyper for some reason.”
“The place went nuts. Dean Livingstone just about lost it and ran screaming from the room. I think all these scandals are starting to get to her.”
“It was total pandemonium for a while,” said Professor Shane Moshiri. “Everyone was shouting and running around. Professor Weisdorn trying to explain, Professor Seaman trying to steal the catnip, and Professor Atwater trying to sneak out without paying up on his football bets. Pure chaos.”
“First Professor Weisdorn said she was holding it for a friend.” Reported Professor Peggy Crawford. “Then she says it’s medicinal catnip and she has a prescription. A couple of minutes later the story changes *again* and she’s telling us it’s no big deal because California has a policy of non-enforcement anyway.”
“She finally admitted that the catnip was hers. But she said she was just experimenting. You know, a one time thing.”
“After we heard that, everyone calmed down,” said Professor Rhodes. “Professor Seaman wandered off to play ping pong and Professor Atwater started babbling about that CRPR thing to anyone who would listen. It’s the same every week: We all smile and nod, but none of us have any idea what he's talking about.”
“Anyways, we all had a laugh about the whole thing afterwards. You know, how we all overreacted. I mean, come on, it’s just a little catnip. Harmless. It’s not like she has a problem with it or anything. Besides, she has four dogs, right?”
Chaos reigned in the Professors’ break room early this morning when a bag of catnip fell out of Professor Gia Weisdorn’s handbag.
“It was a quiet morning,” said Professor Kent Rhodes. “A bunch of us sitting around, having coffee and laughing about Paul Pinckney’s football pool. Professor Atwater was talking smack all last week about his super duper CRPR football pool picker, and after the weekend, well, let’s just say he was eating some major crow.”“Professor Weisdorn is laughing so hard she drops her handbag and this little baggie falls out. The room goes SILENT and everyone gets real still. Well, except for Professor Seaman; his eyes lit up and he got all hyper for some reason.”
“The place went nuts. Dean Livingstone just about lost it and ran screaming from the room. I think all these scandals are starting to get to her.”
“It was total pandemonium for a while,” said Professor Shane Moshiri. “Everyone was shouting and running around. Professor Weisdorn trying to explain, Professor Seaman trying to steal the catnip, and Professor Atwater trying to sneak out without paying up on his football bets. Pure chaos.”
“First Professor Weisdorn said she was holding it for a friend.” Reported Professor Peggy Crawford. “Then she says it’s medicinal catnip and she has a prescription. A couple of minutes later the story changes *again* and she’s telling us it’s no big deal because California has a policy of non-enforcement anyway.”
“She finally admitted that the catnip was hers. But she said she was just experimenting. You know, a one time thing.”
“After we heard that, everyone calmed down,” said Professor Rhodes. “Professor Seaman wandered off to play ping pong and Professor Atwater started babbling about that CRPR thing to anyone who would listen. It’s the same every week: We all smile and nod, but none of us have any idea what he's talking about.”
“Anyways, we all had a laugh about the whole thing afterwards. You know, how we all overreacted. I mean, come on, it’s just a little catnip. Harmless. It’s not like she has a problem with it or anything. Besides, she has four dogs, right?”
Sunday, December 2, 2007
ROCK STAR OF THE STATS DEPARTMENT
Have you ever wondered what our favorite Stat Tools guru, Professor Joe Hahn, does outside of class? Fly On The Wall did a little digging and the results are quite surprising. When he is not busy running regressions, Professor Hahn enjoys playing a mean guitar, which has led to a few wild stories.
“It all started back at UT Austin,” he explained. “Me and a couple of the other professors started a grunge band called Lower Limits. We played at homecoming and a few clubs on a regular basis, and there was talk about signing a recording contract. But then the Organizational Behavior Professor who was the lead singer decided the name was wrong and changed it to ‘Degrees of Freedom’. That killed us. It totally went against the theme of the band. I mean, what kind of grunge band has a name like that? Our fans called us sellouts, and a bunch of students dropped my class. It was a bad time.”
“After taking some time off, I started doing some solo work. Some of my own material, a bit of Clapton, and a lot of Hendrix.”
“My big break came later that year during South by Southwest. I had just finished a really intense linear programming project and developed some macros that my colleagues said couldn’t be done. I was totally stoked.”
“When I got on stage that night, I was on fire. For 30 minutes I *was* Jimi. It was wild: I’m doing Purple Haze, smashing amps, playing with my teeth, lighter fluid, the whole nine yards. Brought the house down. The crowd was screaming and students were throwing their textbooks on the stage.”
“But that wasn’t the best of it! I go back into the crowd to watch the next gig, and this guy next to me is going on and on about the guy who just did Hendrix. I look over my shoulder, and it’s my childhood idol, Ace Frehley from KISS!”
“We get to talking, and next thing I know, he’s introducing me to Gene and the rest of the band. The whole time my head is swimming, trying to calculate how many standard deviations from the norm this event outcome had to be. It blew my mind.”
“Gene was a bit distant at first. Especially when I told him Destroyer was my favorite album…I don’t know what I was thinking. I really put my foot in it. But he warmed up when I started talking about the valuation of real options. Behind the makeup he’s a very astute businessman.”
GUITAR HERO
“But that’s not the end of the story,” he added, with a grin. “About a week later Ace calls: They’re in Houston and Paul Stanley had a bad reaction to the face paint. Could I step in and cover for him tonight?”
“Quicker than you can say ‘class dismissed’ I’m on a helicopter to Houston and living the life of a rock star: trashed hotel suites, stretch limos, screaming fans…and this time they were throwing more than textbooks.”
“I wound up doing two shows. They asked me to stay on the tour, but I had to say no. I mean, I gave it some thought, but after running it through a logit model, it made more sense to stick with teaching. There were just too many variables.”
“Sure, I still think about it every now and then, but things have worked out just fine. I still play on Wednesday nights at the Malibu Inn where it’s only a $10 cover and a double happy hour from 8-10.”
Professor Hahn is available on Mondays from 12-2 to discuss problem sets or sign autographs.
“It all started back at UT Austin,” he explained. “Me and a couple of the other professors started a grunge band called Lower Limits. We played at homecoming and a few clubs on a regular basis, and there was talk about signing a recording contract. But then the Organizational Behavior Professor who was the lead singer decided the name was wrong and changed it to ‘Degrees of Freedom’. That killed us. It totally went against the theme of the band. I mean, what kind of grunge band has a name like that? Our fans called us sellouts, and a bunch of students dropped my class. It was a bad time.”
“After taking some time off, I started doing some solo work. Some of my own material, a bit of Clapton, and a lot of Hendrix.”
“My big break came later that year during South by Southwest. I had just finished a really intense linear programming project and developed some macros that my colleagues said couldn’t be done. I was totally stoked.”
“When I got on stage that night, I was on fire. For 30 minutes I *was* Jimi. It was wild: I’m doing Purple Haze, smashing amps, playing with my teeth, lighter fluid, the whole nine yards. Brought the house down. The crowd was screaming and students were throwing their textbooks on the stage.”
“But that wasn’t the best of it! I go back into the crowd to watch the next gig, and this guy next to me is going on and on about the guy who just did Hendrix. I look over my shoulder, and it’s my childhood idol, Ace Frehley from KISS!”
“We get to talking, and next thing I know, he’s introducing me to Gene and the rest of the band. The whole time my head is swimming, trying to calculate how many standard deviations from the norm this event outcome had to be. It blew my mind.”
“Gene was a bit distant at first. Especially when I told him Destroyer was my favorite album…I don’t know what I was thinking. I really put my foot in it. But he warmed up when I started talking about the valuation of real options. Behind the makeup he’s a very astute businessman.”
GUITAR HERO
“But that’s not the end of the story,” he added, with a grin. “About a week later Ace calls: They’re in Houston and Paul Stanley had a bad reaction to the face paint. Could I step in and cover for him tonight?”
“Quicker than you can say ‘class dismissed’ I’m on a helicopter to Houston and living the life of a rock star: trashed hotel suites, stretch limos, screaming fans…and this time they were throwing more than textbooks.”“I wound up doing two shows. They asked me to stay on the tour, but I had to say no. I mean, I gave it some thought, but after running it through a logit model, it made more sense to stick with teaching. There were just too many variables.”
“Sure, I still think about it every now and then, but things have worked out just fine. I still play on Wednesday nights at the Malibu Inn where it’s only a $10 cover and a double happy hour from 8-10.”
Professor Hahn is available on Mondays from 12-2 to discuss problem sets or sign autographs.
Friday, November 30, 2007
COURSE CHANGE
Due to several recent trades, the Education Investment Fund class, where students get to invest with real money, will now be known as the Pepperdine Philanthropy Fund.
“We’re breaking new ground here,” said a frazzled Professor Ed Fredericks. “This is a first for Pepperdine, and as far as I know, we may be the first business school in the country to do this.”
“Just as Bill Gates has made the switch from amassing wealth to giving it all away, the Education Investment Fund…um…decided…it was time to…um…well…do the same.”
Gathering steam, he continued. “Yeah...the whole $100,000 is gone, and depending on the complex derivative trades that *someone* made, well, it looks like Pepperdine is gonna be giving away a lot more real soon.”
While it is not clear exactly what prompted him to revamp the course syllabus, Professor Fredericks told Fly On The Wall that the GSBM board was “thrilled” with the news and rewarded him with immediate extended vacation.
“Yeah, it’s great...just what I wanted,” he muttered as professional movers quickly packed up his office.
Asked if he had any hot investment tips to share before being removed from campus, he added, “Yeah, don’t put everything into toothpicks.com. I mean, it *sounds* like common sense, but not everyone figured that one out.”
“Oh, and for the record, someone tell Orion French he can forget about that letter of recommendation. Make sure you print that.”
“We’re breaking new ground here,” said a frazzled Professor Ed Fredericks. “This is a first for Pepperdine, and as far as I know, we may be the first business school in the country to do this.”“Just as Bill Gates has made the switch from amassing wealth to giving it all away, the Education Investment Fund…um…decided…it was time to…um…well…do the same.”
Gathering steam, he continued. “Yeah...the whole $100,000 is gone, and depending on the complex derivative trades that *someone* made, well, it looks like Pepperdine is gonna be giving away a lot more real soon.”
While it is not clear exactly what prompted him to revamp the course syllabus, Professor Fredericks told Fly On The Wall that the GSBM board was “thrilled” with the news and rewarded him with immediate extended vacation.
“Yeah, it’s great...just what I wanted,” he muttered as professional movers quickly packed up his office.
Asked if he had any hot investment tips to share before being removed from campus, he added, “Yeah, don’t put everything into toothpicks.com. I mean, it *sounds* like common sense, but not everyone figured that one out.”
“Oh, and for the record, someone tell Orion French he can forget about that letter of recommendation. Make sure you print that.”
Thursday, November 29, 2007
WHAT'S NEWS?
-Professor Seaman was seen in the students’ lounge, allegedly doctoring the ping pong table.
-As a result of all the recent spate of scandals, it is reported that Dean Livingstone is now hiding under her desk and no longer answering her phone.
-Donald Trump has offered to donate $10 million to the GSBM. The funds would go directly to Net Impact and would be used to, among other things, purchase a new BMW for each member of the club. Contingent upon acceptance of the money, however, Pepperdine would have to agree to modify the cross on the Phillips Theme Tower to look like more of a “T”. While students enthusiastically support the proposal, university officials are not expected to vote in favor of it.
-The cafeteria will be testing a new brown bag liquid lunch program this week. Students interested in beta testing the product are asked to meet in the parking lot and behind the dumpsters.
-Professor Williams was seen playing The SIMS on his computer during class last week.
-As a result of all the recent spate of scandals, it is reported that Dean Livingstone is now hiding under her desk and no longer answering her phone.
-Donald Trump has offered to donate $10 million to the GSBM. The funds would go directly to Net Impact and would be used to, among other things, purchase a new BMW for each member of the club. Contingent upon acceptance of the money, however, Pepperdine would have to agree to modify the cross on the Phillips Theme Tower to look like more of a “T”. While students enthusiastically support the proposal, university officials are not expected to vote in favor of it.
-The cafeteria will be testing a new brown bag liquid lunch program this week. Students interested in beta testing the product are asked to meet in the parking lot and behind the dumpsters.
-Professor Williams was seen playing The SIMS on his computer during class last week.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
THE AUTO ISSUE
In response to popular demand, Fly On The Wall will be adding an automotive column about the goings on in Lot S and beyond.
-This week’s Most Tricked Out Ride award goes to the silver Honda Accord with the four custom cup holders!
-We’ve seen some hot cars in the lot, but this week we had a true exotic! Fly On The Wall had to talk to a lot of experts and conduct extensive research to identify this dream machine.
Known as a “Chevy”, this chariot of the gods hails from a remote Canadian town named Detroit. Although popular in certain circles, Chevy sightings are very rare in Malibu. There have been rumors about them being seen occasionally on the Seaver campus, this is the first confirmed sighting in the GSBM parking lot.
-Pepperdine will begin offering a car detailing service next term. Located in lot T, “Academic Detailz” will offer full wax and detailing service during class hours. “We’ll be offering quick turnarounds,“ says founder and confessed car nut Philipe Chieu. “Students will be able to drop their cars off in the morning and have them back by the end of class.”
“I was going to enter it in the business plan competition, but Professor Morrissey and Diane Singel told me it was too hot an idea, and I that I should run with it now.”
“They weren’t kidding. I haven’t even started and I’m already booked solid for the first three months of ’08. And the phone is still ringing off the hook! It’s crazy! People are screaming about being on the wait list, but it’s first come, first serve, you know?”
“Well,” he added with a wink, “except for professors who offer preferential treatment.”
“Let’s just say I’m not too worried about grades next term.”
Phillip is already planning his next venture. “My next idea is to start a valet parking service for students called ‘WePark4U.’ It’s for people who want to be a CEO, or just treated like one.”
-This week’s Most Tricked Out Ride award goes to the silver Honda Accord with the four custom cup holders!
-We’ve seen some hot cars in the lot, but this week we had a true exotic! Fly On The Wall had to talk to a lot of experts and conduct extensive research to identify this dream machine.
Known as a “Chevy”, this chariot of the gods hails from a remote Canadian town named Detroit. Although popular in certain circles, Chevy sightings are very rare in Malibu. There have been rumors about them being seen occasionally on the Seaver campus, this is the first confirmed sighting in the GSBM parking lot.-Pepperdine will begin offering a car detailing service next term. Located in lot T, “Academic Detailz” will offer full wax and detailing service during class hours. “We’ll be offering quick turnarounds,“ says founder and confessed car nut Philipe Chieu. “Students will be able to drop their cars off in the morning and have them back by the end of class.”
“I was going to enter it in the business plan competition, but Professor Morrissey and Diane Singel told me it was too hot an idea, and I that I should run with it now.”
“They weren’t kidding. I haven’t even started and I’m already booked solid for the first three months of ’08. And the phone is still ringing off the hook! It’s crazy! People are screaming about being on the wait list, but it’s first come, first serve, you know?”
“Well,” he added with a wink, “except for professors who offer preferential treatment.”
“Let’s just say I’m not too worried about grades next term.”
Phillip is already planning his next venture. “My next idea is to start a valet parking service for students called ‘WePark4U.’ It’s for people who want to be a CEO, or just treated like one.”
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
THE WEISDORN CHRONICLES
A source calling herself “Justice Talks” just sent Fly On The Wall another juicy tidbit about Professor Gia Weisdorn.Source J.T. spent her Thanksgiving weekend in San Diego, sleuthing through the University of San Diego’s Law library. After hours of pouring through piles of yearbooks, she uncovered a photo that can best be described as...unusual.
Clearly Professor Weisdorn has a hidden past…but not hidden well enough!
Monday, November 26, 2007
SEEN ON VENICE BEACH
Pepperdine’s West Pointer seems to have gone a bit West Coast on us!
“I was down at Venice beach, looking for some cheap sunglasses,” Spencer Hardman (GSBM ’08) told Fly On The Wall. “All the usual wierdos were out. The guy in the
Speedo, the guitar guy on skates, you know, just another day at the beach.”
“I’m walking past the hippie guy, you know, the one who makes the sand alligator every day and smokes a ton of weed. Anyway, I hear this familiar voice rambling on about unemployment, the real costs of taxation, and Isoquant curves. I look down through this cloud of smoke, and it’s Professor Carl Gwin!”
“The dreds threw me off at first, but it was definitely him. He was selling all sorts of stuff like hemp belts, crystal necklaces, and hubcap art.”
“It kinda makes sense,” reflected Spencer. “Differentiated products, lots of sellers, low barriers to entry. Monopolistic competition all the way. I can see what attracted him. It’s a total free market down there.”
“He didn’t recognize me. And he kept trying to sell me this busted roulette wheel, saying it was just like the futures market. Just for the heck of it, I tried bargaining the price down, but he kept saying ‘Nooo, you can’t *do* that!’.”
“Anyways, it was getting late, and I still had to find those sunglasses so I headed out of there.”
Professor Gwin was later seen wandering off in the direction of the drum circle.
“I was down at Venice beach, looking for some cheap sunglasses,” Spencer Hardman (GSBM ’08) told Fly On The Wall. “All the usual wierdos were out. The guy in the
Speedo, the guitar guy on skates, you know, just another day at the beach.” “I’m walking past the hippie guy, you know, the one who makes the sand alligator every day and smokes a ton of weed. Anyway, I hear this familiar voice rambling on about unemployment, the real costs of taxation, and Isoquant curves. I look down through this cloud of smoke, and it’s Professor Carl Gwin!”
“The dreds threw me off at first, but it was definitely him. He was selling all sorts of stuff like hemp belts, crystal necklaces, and hubcap art.”
“It kinda makes sense,” reflected Spencer. “Differentiated products, lots of sellers, low barriers to entry. Monopolistic competition all the way. I can see what attracted him. It’s a total free market down there.”
“He didn’t recognize me. And he kept trying to sell me this busted roulette wheel, saying it was just like the futures market. Just for the heck of it, I tried bargaining the price down, but he kept saying ‘Nooo, you can’t *do* that!’.”
“Anyways, it was getting late, and I still had to find those sunglasses so I headed out of there.”
Professor Gwin was later seen wandering off in the direction of the drum circle.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
WHAT'S NEWS?
-Professors Williams and Seaman have co-authored a study to be released early in the spring. According to Professor Seaman “The paper has determined the exact value of an MBA education with 90% certainty. The log-odds of success after graduation have been determined to be negative, disproving the null hypothesis.” What this means is anybody’s guess.
- The Graziadio School’s latest and greatest attempt at a new IT system, Tidalnet, experienced a system crash this morning. According to IT Professor Michael Williams, the crash began when a system off the coast of Japan became unstable. The disruption was first felt in the Tokyo metro area, but then spread across the Pacific Ocean before crashing the Malibu coast. Williams plans to hold a press conference to discuss whether to torpedo Tidalnet in favor of the mysteriously efficient Skynet. In addition, CardBoard 1.0, the successor to BlackBoard 7.2, is down indefinitely due to a problem in its support system after Tidalnet crashed the Malibu coast.
- Being a dry campus, Pepperdine has a reputation of being bereft of fun. Fly On The Wall feels this is unfair and decided to find out exactly what Pepperdine's business students do at night when they return home from the library. More than 250 students were interviewed, and multiple regressions were run, producing a model that explains the data quite well: Lite-Brite and glow-in-the-dark stickers scored big. Another popular one was throwing jacks. Remember Yahtzee? That was big before many of us were even born. Well, at Pepperdine, it's back with a vengeance. Strangely, ‘homework’ never came up as a response.
-GSBM has received a $5 million grant from Altria Group, Inc. The funds will go towards increasing the size of the student lounge and repairing the door to the library. In recognition of this generous donation the patio outside the cafeteria will be renamed “Marlboro Country”.
- The Graziadio School’s latest and greatest attempt at a new IT system, Tidalnet, experienced a system crash this morning. According to IT Professor Michael Williams, the crash began when a system off the coast of Japan became unstable. The disruption was first felt in the Tokyo metro area, but then spread across the Pacific Ocean before crashing the Malibu coast. Williams plans to hold a press conference to discuss whether to torpedo Tidalnet in favor of the mysteriously efficient Skynet. In addition, CardBoard 1.0, the successor to BlackBoard 7.2, is down indefinitely due to a problem in its support system after Tidalnet crashed the Malibu coast.
- Being a dry campus, Pepperdine has a reputation of being bereft of fun. Fly On The Wall feels this is unfair and decided to find out exactly what Pepperdine's business students do at night when they return home from the library. More than 250 students were interviewed, and multiple regressions were run, producing a model that explains the data quite well: Lite-Brite and glow-in-the-dark stickers scored big. Another popular one was throwing jacks. Remember Yahtzee? That was big before many of us were even born. Well, at Pepperdine, it's back with a vengeance. Strangely, ‘homework’ never came up as a response.
-GSBM has received a $5 million grant from Altria Group, Inc. The funds will go towards increasing the size of the student lounge and repairing the door to the library. In recognition of this generous donation the patio outside the cafeteria will be renamed “Marlboro Country”.
Friday, November 23, 2007
GSBM GOING GREEN
Pepperdine has announced an initiative to cover the exterior of the buildings on the Drescher Campus with a “greener” outer layer.
The new environmentally friendly coating is cellulose based and contains interwoven cotton fibers for increased strength and durability. It has been designed to stand up to repeated abuse and can handle washings without fading.
“The US Government paid for the research and development of this product,” said Dr. Mallinger, “and it’s been wildly successful. It’s one of the few things they’ve done right.”
The product comes in 2.16 by 6.14 inch rectangles, and can be applied with tape, glue or tacks.
Manufactured by the Treasury Department, it is available at various price points.
“Well, we could do it on the cheap,” began Dr. Mallinger, “but we think that would send the wrong message. Currently we’re thinking of using the 20 dollar product, unless USC decides to use the 50’s. Gotta keep up, ya know.”
“Once applied, the GSBM will be a lot greener, and we think this sends the right message to the students and the community: Graziadio is all about green!”
Tuition will be increased to $147,583 per semester to cover the initiative.
The new environmentally friendly coating is cellulose based and contains interwoven cotton fibers for increased strength and durability. It has been designed to stand up to repeated abuse and can handle washings without fading.
“The US Government paid for the research and development of this product,” said Dr. Mallinger, “and it’s been wildly successful. It’s one of the few things they’ve done right.”
The product comes in 2.16 by 6.14 inch rectangles, and can be applied with tape, glue or tacks.
Manufactured by the Treasury Department, it is available at various price points.
“Well, we could do it on the cheap,” began Dr. Mallinger, “but we think that would send the wrong message. Currently we’re thinking of using the 20 dollar product, unless USC decides to use the 50’s. Gotta keep up, ya know.”
“Once applied, the GSBM will be a lot greener, and we think this sends the right message to the students and the community: Graziadio is all about green!”
Tuition will be increased to $147,583 per semester to cover the initiative.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
PORSCHE FOR SALE?
Things are getting more and more bizarre as news about Professor Gia Weisdorn continues to pour in. She was spotted yesterday at Honda of Thousand Oaks, allegedly purchasing a minivan. Fly On The Wall investigated the anonymous tip and obtained an exclusive interview with Honda sales associate Patrick Harker.
“So I see this Porsche pull into the lot,” begins Mr. Harker, “and I’m thinking easy sale, right? Man, was I wrong! Next thing I know, she’s talked the price down 70% and I’ve got *nothing* left on the table. Then she starts writing some crazy contract law stuff and talking ‘UCC this, merger clause that’…dude, totally over my head. I didn’t know what hit me. I just signed.”
“She totally ate my lunch.” He added, glumly. “I mean, it was a nice 98 minivan with low miles and heated seats. We were asking $9,000 and she got it for practically nothing. For all I know, I’m the one that's gonna have to pay.”
Brightening up, he continued, “Anyways, it all worked out in the end. I got killed on the sale, but I think she felt bad for me. She started accessorizing like there was no tomorrow: Monsoon sound system, racing stripes, mini-fridge, the works. She really went to town. I’m definitely going to get a bonus for this.”
“It looks like it’ll be ready to go in a week, but we’re cutting it close with some of the custom work. I have a specialist coming in tomorrow to do the flat screens and the Koi tank, so that’s sorted. The biggest problem we’re having is figuring out how to install the scratching post. That’s a new one. We’ve done a lot of custom stuff here in LA, but I think this one’s a first. Weird.”
“So I see this Porsche pull into the lot,” begins Mr. Harker, “and I’m thinking easy sale, right? Man, was I wrong! Next thing I know, she’s talked the price down 70% and I’ve got *nothing* left on the table. Then she starts writing some crazy contract law stuff and talking ‘UCC this, merger clause that’…dude, totally over my head. I didn’t know what hit me. I just signed.”
“She totally ate my lunch.” He added, glumly. “I mean, it was a nice 98 minivan with low miles and heated seats. We were asking $9,000 and she got it for practically nothing. For all I know, I’m the one that's gonna have to pay.”
Brightening up, he continued, “Anyways, it all worked out in the end. I got killed on the sale, but I think she felt bad for me. She started accessorizing like there was no tomorrow: Monsoon sound system, racing stripes, mini-fridge, the works. She really went to town. I’m definitely going to get a bonus for this.”
“It looks like it’ll be ready to go in a week, but we’re cutting it close with some of the custom work. I have a specialist coming in tomorrow to do the flat screens and the Koi tank, so that’s sorted. The biggest problem we’re having is figuring out how to install the scratching post. That’s a new one. We’ve done a lot of custom stuff here in LA, but I think this one’s a first. Weird.”
ETHICS SCANDAL ROCKS LIBRARY
The Ethics Committee has busted an onion ring in the Drescher library.
The operation came to light when Max the librarian discovered nearly a dozen first-year students smuggling onions into the library’s conference room. Investigators allege that the students were engaged in insider trading in onion recipes which is a clear violation of the University’s Ethics code.
Said committee spokesperson Sharon Haughey: “The school is shaken. This is by far the worst breach of ethics Pepperdine has seen in years. The more layers of deceit our investigators peel back, the more we want to cry.”
While the committee has not yet announced what corrective measures will be taken, Fly On The Wall has learned that punishment options being explored include taking mandatory 8 am classes until graduation, serving 500 hours of kitchen service, and having to repeat OB.
It is unknown at this time if Presidentita For Life Bre Hayes’ demand that the offenders be boiled in oil will have any traction with the committee.
STUDENT INVOLVED IN MALIBU SHARK ATTACK
SHARK BEATEN UP BADLYSurfrider Beach, Malibu – Second year student Lindsay Lockhardt (GSBM ’08) was involved in a shark attack at approximately 9am yesterday morning. The shark was positively identified as a great white and estimated at 12 feet in length.
“I was having an okay morning”, said Lindsay. “In the water for an hour. Couple of decent waves. You know, the usual. Then I catch this one wave-Omigod-it’s like *perfect*. I’m up, I’m dialed in, I’m totally on.”
“Then I see this guy on the side trying to snake me. I’m shouting ‘Break! Break!’ but he’s getting closer. Seriously bad etiquette. I look over and dude, it’s this shark! Next thing I know, he’s bumping my board.”
“50 yards out, perfect line, in the break, best wave ever, and some shark is stealing my ride! Dude, no one steals my ride--so I clobbered him!”
Ocean Lifeguard Specialist Tyler Morgan was in Tower 7 at the time of the attack.
“I look up and see this commotion: He’s thrashing all over the place, but she won’t let go. She’s got the thing in a headlock and she’s beating the crap out of him. I mean, we’re talking a *serious* thumping. Eight years on the job, and I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“By the time I got to her, she had dragged him halfway up the beach and was still pounding the tar out of him. I had to put a stop to it. I felt sorry for the guy.”
The shark was returned to the water and last seen cautiously swimming in the direction of deep water.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
PRESIDENTITA FOR LIFE
Bre Hayes' continued abuse of power reached new heights today as she declared herself "Presidentita For Life" at the Graziadio School Of Business.
Speaking from Dean Mallinger's now vacant corner office, Presidentita For Life Hayes declared there would be new sweeping changes to the GSBM. "Today is great day for the new Land Of The Bre. The culture of weak-willed leadership by committee has brought forth a plague of inefficiency, compromise and indecision. A new leader must rise from this morass to forcefully exercise the blunt club of power over the masses. I am that leader and I hold that club in my iron grip. Leadership through appeasement has ended. Enough of the carrot, it's time for the stick!"
"Effective immediately, all OB classes will be replaced by OF (Oath of Fealty) classes, and anyone caught wearing Burberry will be detained and severely punished. The ethics committee is also permanently dissolved."
Neither Dean Mallinger nor Dean Livingstone were available for comment. When quizzed on their whereabouts, chief spokesperson, Sharon Haughey, stated that they have been sent to a reeducation facility located somewhere on the USC campus.
Speaking from Dean Mallinger's now vacant corner office, Presidentita For Life Hayes declared there would be new sweeping changes to the GSBM. "Today is great day for the new Land Of The Bre. The culture of weak-willed leadership by committee has brought forth a plague of inefficiency, compromise and indecision. A new leader must rise from this morass to forcefully exercise the blunt club of power over the masses. I am that leader and I hold that club in my iron grip. Leadership through appeasement has ended. Enough of the carrot, it's time for the stick!""Effective immediately, all OB classes will be replaced by OF (Oath of Fealty) classes, and anyone caught wearing Burberry will be detained and severely punished. The ethics committee is also permanently dissolved."
Neither Dean Mallinger nor Dean Livingstone were available for comment. When quizzed on their whereabouts, chief spokesperson, Sharon Haughey, stated that they have been sent to a reeducation facility located somewhere on the USC campus.
BREAKING STORY!!!
Details continue to emerge about Professor Gia Weisdorn's secret life of feline affection!
After posting about Professor Weisdorn's most curious behavior at Ralph's (Friday Nov 16, "Gossip: Out of the bag"), Fly On The Wall has received SHOCKING information indicating that there is much much more to this story!
"I was over at Will Rodgers State Park," said the anonymous 2nd year, "and I see this lady walking a cat. Didn't think too much of it at the time, I was too busy reading Dirks v. SEC. But then I look a bit more closely and it looks like Professor Weisdorn! I'm like 'no way, this can't be, she has like, four dogs!' Besides, her hair was the wrong color. But then I look again, and, dude, it's definitley her, and she's wearing a disguise!!! It was like, total Twilight Zone. I snapped a photo and got out of there before it affected my grade."
A second source confirmed that shortly afterward a Porsche was seen departing the area "at a high rate of speed."
After posting about Professor Weisdorn's most curious behavior at Ralph's (Friday Nov 16, "Gossip: Out of the bag"), Fly On The Wall has received SHOCKING information indicating that there is much much more to this story!
"I was over at Will Rodgers State Park," said the anonymous 2nd year, "and I see this lady walking a cat. Didn't think too much of it at the time, I was too busy reading Dirks v. SEC. But then I look a bit more closely and it looks like Professor Weisdorn! I'm like 'no way, this can't be, she has like, four dogs!' Besides, her hair was the wrong color. But then I look again, and, dude, it's definitley her, and she's wearing a disguise!!! It was like, total Twilight Zone. I snapped a photo and got out of there before it affected my grade."
A second source confirmed that shortly afterward a Porsche was seen departing the area "at a high rate of speed."
WHAT'S NEWS?
-Rajan Kalra’s hair is bursting forth with vibrant Autumn colors. Unfortunately, it is expected to completely fall out by Winter.
-Bre Hayes is in the process of amending the School Constitution to allow her to run for an unprecedented second term as MGBS President.
-After giving away $3,500 in prize money this past week, VCLL has officially begun its rebranding campaign as the Venture Capital Leadership Lab.
-According to sources, Michael Tanenbaum was seen scarfing down what appeared to be a ham sandwich.
-Due to popular demand, a Japanese version of Your Weekly Vlogger with Katie Nsairy will be debuting in January, complete with a 3-second delay between the audio and video. Woody Allen will be directing.
-MGBS has voted to give themselves a tuition raise for second semester.
-Professor Morrissey was spotted last week wearing a New York Yankees cap.
-Bre Hayes is in the process of amending the School Constitution to allow her to run for an unprecedented second term as MGBS President.
-After giving away $3,500 in prize money this past week, VCLL has officially begun its rebranding campaign as the Venture Capital Leadership Lab.
-According to sources, Michael Tanenbaum was seen scarfing down what appeared to be a ham sandwich.
-Due to popular demand, a Japanese version of Your Weekly Vlogger with Katie Nsairy will be debuting in January, complete with a 3-second delay between the audio and video. Woody Allen will be directing.
-MGBS has voted to give themselves a tuition raise for second semester.
-Professor Morrissey was spotted last week wearing a New York Yankees cap.
Friday, November 16, 2007
NEW COURSE OFFERINGS / COURSE CHANGES
There have been a few changes made to the course listing for Spring 2008.
MBAM662A11 The Family Business. Welcome to the family! Course will include (but not be limited to) discussions about: Creative fundraising, imaginative bookkeeping, cash free inventory acquisition, bulletproof tax shelters, aggressively protecting market share, forcefully expanding market share/wiping out the competition, untraceable cash flows, making people talk, eliminating problems, making offers they can’t refuse, rat disposal, and financial solutions to federal regulations.
NOTE: MBAM 662A11 now also counts as an entrepreneurship elective.
MBAM 693.23 Creative Business Accounting. Learn exciting new ways to make 2+2 =5, 6 or 10,000. Impress your boss, be the envy of your colleagues and the darling of CFO magazine. NOTE: Must be taken concurrently with MBAM 10to20 Meet the SEC or MBAM687.1: Incarceration Planning.
MBAM694 Social Responsibility. Students will be given a fixed budget and put in charge of managing all GSBM social outings for the semester. Emphasis placed networking with suitable establishments, building relationships and negotiating favorable financial agreements. This course will require a heavy time commitment outside of class. Mandatory networking and interpersonal communications workshops will meet for three to four hours at a time, preferably several times per week.
MBAM700.12 Advanced Executive Level Decision Making. Topics will include: Rock Paper Scissors, Magic 8 Ball, and coin flipping.
MBAM662A11 The Family Business. Welcome to the family! Course will include (but not be limited to) discussions about: Creative fundraising, imaginative bookkeeping, cash free inventory acquisition, bulletproof tax shelters, aggressively protecting market share, forcefully expanding market share/wiping out the competition, untraceable cash flows, making people talk, eliminating problems, making offers they can’t refuse, rat disposal, and financial solutions to federal regulations.
NOTE: MBAM 662A11 now also counts as an entrepreneurship elective.
MBAM 693.23 Creative Business Accounting. Learn exciting new ways to make 2+2 =5, 6 or 10,000. Impress your boss, be the envy of your colleagues and the darling of CFO magazine. NOTE: Must be taken concurrently with MBAM 10to20 Meet the SEC or MBAM687.1: Incarceration Planning.
MBAM694 Social Responsibility. Students will be given a fixed budget and put in charge of managing all GSBM social outings for the semester. Emphasis placed networking with suitable establishments, building relationships and negotiating favorable financial agreements. This course will require a heavy time commitment outside of class. Mandatory networking and interpersonal communications workshops will meet for three to four hours at a time, preferably several times per week.
MBAM700.12 Advanced Executive Level Decision Making. Topics will include: Rock Paper Scissors, Magic 8 Ball, and coin flipping.
Pepperdine To Upgrade Mainframe System
In response to the mainframe outage during registration last week, the Peperdine IT department has announced it will be abolishing Wavenet and upgrading to a new IT system called Skynet.
Developed by Cyberdine Systems, Skynet is built on a radically new technology that is years ahead of anything else in the field. According to head engineer Myles Dyson, "Skynet is based on a new artificial intelligence architecture. We don't quite fully understand it yet, but it is totally autonomous, and boasts a perfect operational record."
"Skynet has the potential to be the ultimate killer app. A real world-beater", he added.
Pepperdine IT personnel first heard about Skynet last year when California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was on campus to sign the California Global Warming Solutions Act.
"It was strange", recalled Barron Williams, head of Pepperdine's IT department, "We knew he was on campus, but then he barges into the office like he owns the place and starts giving us this hard sell about Skynet."
"He wasn't happy when I told him we didn't have money in the budget, but he said he'd be back. He posed for some photos too, which was cool".
"I didn't think much more about it, but then the day after the registration crash I get this call from the Governor's office. Something about state disaster aid from the fire to upgrade the system."
Installation will begin in the late spring. Skynet is scheduled to go live on either July 24th or August 29th.
Developed by Cyberdine Systems, Skynet is built on a radically new technology that is years ahead of anything else in the field. According to head engineer Myles Dyson, "Skynet is based on a new artificial intelligence architecture. We don't quite fully understand it yet, but it is totally autonomous, and boasts a perfect operational record."
"Skynet has the potential to be the ultimate killer app. A real world-beater", he added.
Pepperdine IT personnel first heard about Skynet last year when California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was on campus to sign the California Global Warming Solutions Act.
"It was strange", recalled Barron Williams, head of Pepperdine's IT department, "We knew he was on campus, but then he barges into the office like he owns the place and starts giving us this hard sell about Skynet."
"He wasn't happy when I told him we didn't have money in the budget, but he said he'd be back. He posed for some photos too, which was cool".
"I didn't think much more about it, but then the day after the registration crash I get this call from the Governor's office. Something about state disaster aid from the fire to upgrade the system."
Installation will begin in the late spring. Skynet is scheduled to go live on either July 24th or August 29th.
GOSSIP: Out of the Bag, Born to be wild, UFO's
Cat's out of the bag!
Our favorite Legal Woman Of Mystery has become more mysterious! Fly On The Wall has learned that Professor Gia Weisdorn was seen last week purchasing a copy of "Cat Fancy" magazine at Ralph's! After all the talk about her dogs, we can't help but wonder what this means. Sources could neither confirm nor deny that she also purchased a large bag of Meow Mix.
Born to be Wild!
Rumor has it that Professor McPeak is being investigated by Manhattan Beach authorities for his participation in outlaw street motorcycle drag racing! Sources indicate it is probable that the "Mastermind Madman of Manhattan" is also the head of the rouge criminal gang plaguing the south beach area known as "The Accountants".
UFO's
There's certainly something in the air, and it's not just falling leaves! Last week eyewitnesses reported seeing paper airplanes exiting Dean Mallinger's window! Samples obtained by Fly On The Wall indicate they were made from UCLA and USC letterhead.
Our favorite Legal Woman Of Mystery has become more mysterious! Fly On The Wall has learned that Professor Gia Weisdorn was seen last week purchasing a copy of "Cat Fancy" magazine at Ralph's! After all the talk about her dogs, we can't help but wonder what this means. Sources could neither confirm nor deny that she also purchased a large bag of Meow Mix.
Born to be Wild!
Rumor has it that Professor McPeak is being investigated by Manhattan Beach authorities for his participation in outlaw street motorcycle drag racing! Sources indicate it is probable that the "Mastermind Madman of Manhattan" is also the head of the rouge criminal gang plaguing the south beach area known as "The Accountants".
UFO's
There's certainly something in the air, and it's not just falling leaves! Last week eyewitnesses reported seeing paper airplanes exiting Dean Mallinger's window! Samples obtained by Fly On The Wall indicate they were made from UCLA and USC letterhead.
INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Whodunit?
You've probably noticed the handle to the 'fridge in the student lounge has been broken off. But does anyone know HOW this happened?
Fly On The Wall has learned the following:
It all began with a discussion of a regression analysis problem between Professor Seaman, Professor Hahn, Alina Topala, Derek Hsu, and Sarah Han. Things started out well enough, but words became heated over whether to use a 90% or 95% confidence level. Harsh words were traded, and the situation rapidly spun out of control. Professor Hahn had to be restrained, and Professor Seaman became enraged and tore the handle from the fridge.
According to Alina, "It was like he was posessed. He had this wild look in his eye...like when he plays ping pong, but worse."
"He tried to pick up the fridge and throw it," noted Derek. "Well, he tried a couple of times but it didn't work. He was only able to rip the handle off."
"Yeah, and it took him a couple of tries to do it", added Sarah.
Reports indicate it was the lucky appearance of Professor Williams that managed to defuse the rapidly deteriorating situation.
"Professor Williams came in and started shouting 'Sammy! Sammy! Friend, Sammy! FRIEND!' and Professor Seaman got this dazed look and all the fight went out of him."
The two were later seen in U3, chanting Buddhist runes.
Fly On The Wall has learned the following:
It all began with a discussion of a regression analysis problem between Professor Seaman, Professor Hahn, Alina Topala, Derek Hsu, and Sarah Han. Things started out well enough, but words became heated over whether to use a 90% or 95% confidence level. Harsh words were traded, and the situation rapidly spun out of control. Professor Hahn had to be restrained, and Professor Seaman became enraged and tore the handle from the fridge.
According to Alina, "It was like he was posessed. He had this wild look in his eye...like when he plays ping pong, but worse."
"He tried to pick up the fridge and throw it," noted Derek. "Well, he tried a couple of times but it didn't work. He was only able to rip the handle off."
"Yeah, and it took him a couple of tries to do it", added Sarah.
Reports indicate it was the lucky appearance of Professor Williams that managed to defuse the rapidly deteriorating situation.
"Professor Williams came in and started shouting 'Sammy! Sammy! Friend, Sammy! FRIEND!' and Professor Seaman got this dazed look and all the fight went out of him."
The two were later seen in U3, chanting Buddhist runes.
SCANDAL: Abuse of power!
Fly On The Wall has obtained evidence indicating that President Bre Hayes is redirecting funds from the Social committe to have the statue of George Graziadio taken down and replaced with one of herself!
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